Where have all the nice people gone?

People these days are so rude and disrespectful. And because they act like that...they teach their kids to act that way too. I can't believe how disrespectful teenagers are now days. Also people are so obsessed with their technology like facebook, texting, im'ing, email...they seriously have forgotten how to act in real situations. I constantly say hi to people as I pass them or just give a friendly smile and they look at me like I told them to S my D or something. Why is it so weird to say hi? When someone passes me and doesn't acknowledge me or gives me a dirty look I get offended. Its just blatantly rude.

One of my most favorite places to go to is Boulder, CO. EVERYONE there is nice. Like wayyyy nice. You'll be walking down the street and some random person will say "HI!!" Or "Happy Tuesday!" It is awesome. My sister and I decided to test this here in Utah. As I said before I try to smile at strangers when I pass them or just say hi..and they look at me weird or don't say anything. We started using the Happy whatever day thing. Happy Monday or something. Let me tell you!!! People in Utah are all a bunch of asshat butthole munching poo faces. Most people were like WTF and walked really fast the other way.

Get over yourself and remove the stick up your arse. Have fun! Enjoy life!

Shelby and I are very scientific and studious. We extended our scientific test to our trip in Vegas. People in Vegas were much more accepting! I would pass someone and say "Happy Thursday!" And they would get way excited like I just told them they won $500,000 and they would say "Happy Thursday!" It was SAWEET.

The whole point of this was to tell Utah people to be nice and quit being stupid. And that I want to move to Boulder and Vegas.

Me and Shelby being ourselves...which is awesome:

Quick and healthy breakfast idea

I am always in a hurry in the morning. I don't have time to make a fancy breakfast. If I could make a fancy yummy omelet everyday, trust me, I would. Sooooo here is a cool quick way to get some food in your tummy before work.

I would upload pictures, but for some stupid reason it won't work right now. So I will just have to explain as best as I can.

Buy a box of Nature Valley Oats N' Honey granola bars. They have a few good kinds, but I like this one the best. Put one of them on the ground (in the wrapper of course...duhhhh) and then grind it down with your foot until its all broken inside.

Get a container of your favorite yogurt. I like the Yoplait light Red Raspberry kind the best. I just pour it into a bowl or cup then pour in the granola bar. There you go!

Sometimes I will have a banana too. So all in all the calories are only:
Granola bar 190
Yogurt 100
Banana 105

So in total your breakfast is 395 with banana 290 without the banana.

Do you realize I just said banana 4 times? banana banana banana banana. Its fun to type.

New favorites at the moment

Here are some favorites. Maybe they will be your favorites too.

This stuff is the Suave Professionals Volumizing Mousse. It's about $4 at any drug store or grocery store. I got a coupon in the mail for a free one. Usually I buy only salon products and spend 4 times as much for something like this. I am kind of a hair product snob. But this stuff is AWESOME. I love it because I can take a shower at night and put it in my hair then go to bed with a wet head. The next day my hair has the perfect waves and its all soft and bouncy. If I want to blow dry it straight then it is pretty, bouncy, soft, and straight. I love this stuff.

This is a top coat by INM called Northern Lights. It has a silver glitter in it and you can use it as a top coat or just a clear nail polish. I got it at Peerless for about $6.

I never was really a dollar store person. I figured everything there was stupid or cheap crap. Well I was wrong. A few months ago I was bored at work and decided to take a lunch. I walked over to the Dollar Tree across the street. Turns out there is lots of stuff there! I get kleenex there for a buck (at smiths its at least $3 a box), Soft Soap brand hand soap for $1, deodorant, cards 2 for $.50, baskets...I love baskets. I use them to organize. I have them in my bathroom drawers, my medicine and vitamin cabinet, bathroom cabinet, for my nail polish. You can get cleaning stuff, tupperware, wrapping paper, tape. The list goes on and on. I love that store! Get over yourself like I did and go in there. Saving money is cool kids!

New favorite song is by a band named Awolnation "Sail". I can listen to it over and over. It puts me in a grrrreat mood!

One more thing! Go to Walmart and get these marshmallows:

AMAZING!!!! They make me want to rape the marshmallow man and make marshmallow babies so I can eat them.

Monday likes and dislikes 3

LIKES
- My dogs. Crockett and Molly are the best dogs ever. We were hesitant to get a 2nd because we didn't know how Crockett would handle it. Well Molly and him are best buddies. When she was gone over night for her surgery he acted like his life was over. He was soooo sad. Ryan said when he picked her up and brought her home that her and Crockett were so happy to see each other. He said Crockett didn't leave her side.
- Laying out. I laid out this weekend with my friend Cassie and my nieces. It was so relaxing. Finally Summer! If you ever see me laying out...just know that the reason my boobs are practically falling out of my top is for 2 reasons. 1) I seriously can't find any tops that fit my huge jugs. 2) More importantly, it distracts you from everything below my huge jugs.
-My yard. I love it! So many flowers and colors. I love coming home and seeing it. Me and Ryan worked really hard on it and it paid off :) Lots of Ryan shirtless and sweaty and my drooling all over the pansies I was trying to plant.

DISLIKES
- Getting my chest fried from laying out. I look like I have a white bikini on with nipples when I am naked.
- My stupid ass garage opener choosing when to screw up my morning. It's on the damn fritz! It seems to like opening the garage just fine. But when I am leaving for work at 6 in the damn morning it won't close. Therefor I have to back out, get out of my car, go into the garage and hit the garage door button, then run really fast and jump over the laser things so it can shut. The garage opener doesn't have batteries so I don't know what the effing problem is.
-Puppies eating shoes. Crockett did it and now Molly is. Yes it is my fault for leaving my shoes out especially when I have a 5 month old puppy that has tasted the blood of my shoes and hungers for more. But why shoes? Why can't she have a hunger for weeds? She could be very useful in the yard.
- When I create an event on facebook and invite people and some don't respond. They will show up to the event I am having...but never RSVP on facebook. I HATE THAT! Let me know if you are coming or not coming so I can prepare..it's not like it's brain surgery or like extra extra hard to hit yes, no, or maybe. RSVP to my invite dammit!


That is all. Have a lovely Monday

Quick cooking tip

My friend Natalie and I are constantly talking about diets and working out and stuff like that. We are kind of obsessed. She told me to start making my brown rice with chicken broth instead of water. Basically I cooked 1 cup of brown rice and 1 cup chicken broth. It was sooooooo good. I didn't need butter, salt, pepper or anything.

try it...you'll like it!

What a shitty ass butthole morning

I woke up this morning disoriented and needing to pee like most mornings. If you know me then you know I despise morning. I hate it. I would gladly sleep in until 11 each day. Too bad I am not Paris Hilton and born with a silver spoon up my ass. I have to be to work at 7 AM each morning which means I have to get up around 5:45-6 am. Well, Ryan and I stayed up too late last night watching Game Of Thrones season finale. It's on HBO and is wayyyy good fyi.

So it was a little harder for me to get up this morning. I hit snooze until about 6:20. I finally got my ass out of bed, peed, got dressed, washed my face, brushed my nasty ass cat litter morning breath, and went into the kitchen to get my food ready that I was going to eat that day.

My shoes were in the spare bedroom closet because I have a lot of shoes and I have begged and begged Ryan to let me turn that room into a closet and he always says no. If he had a vagina he would most definitely say yes. Sooooooo I get my shoes. I sit in the Hallway to put on my shoes and put my hand in nice saturated carpet. I sniffed my hand. It stunk like dog piss. I know it wasn't Crockett because he is the most well behaved and trained dog you will probably ever meet. So obviously it was my 5 month old puppy Molly.

Molly is a Great Pyrenees and a really smart girl. She picked up sit and stay in like 10 minutes of training her. She has been doing really really good on potty training too. So much that we quit crating her at night and are letting her sleep with us. About a week ago she got fixed and also had her dew claws removed. Apparently she decided at the Vet that she was going to punish me and Ryan by turning our house into her own personal bathroom. She has pooped in the house 3 times which is more than she has ever pooped in the house since she was 6 weeks old. She also I am guessing has peed although I haven't noticed it except for this morning.

I cleaned up her pee and gathered up my stuff to head off to work. Molly took a GIGANTIC SHIT right by the garage door. I freaked the fuck out and ran into my room to get her. She was hiding on the side of the bed by Ryan who was sound asleep. He sits up and is like "Did she do something wrong?" YES SHE DID SOMETHING WRONG! SHE PISSED ON THE FLOOR AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT ON THE CARPET. AND I LOOK UGLY TODAY AND THAT IS HER FAULT TOO!!!!! So I literally had to drag my 5 month old 60 pound dog to her poop and scream and yell and then kick her ass outside. I picked up the poo and told Ryan to steam clean the whole effing house. Here is me this morning:

After all the commotion I put Molly in her crate and stormed out of the house. I put all my shit in my car and backed out of the garage. I soon realize God wants me to have a TERRIBLE day. The garage door remote control thing won't close the door. So I have to run into the garage, hit the button, then like a fairy Olympic person, I have to jump over the laser things so the garage door will close. As I am doing this my phone falls out of my jacket pocket and breaks into 3 pieces. And not only did it break and fall on the ground.. it fell underneath the car. I had to get on my hands and knees and crawl under the car kind of to get my POS phone. Thank God it still works. I was already on the verge of a total freakout meltdown and if my phone didn't work that would've sent me over for sure. I am sure my neighbors heard my eff bombs out in the driveway. Ask me if I care?

How was your morning? Do not smile at me this morning because I will  punch you in the face. There is no reason to be smiling at 7 AM. Unless you are Paris Hilton.

Monday likes and dislikes 2

LIKES
- Buying presents for Ryan and my Dad for Fathers Day and seeing their smiles :) Ryan loved the bumble bee cookie he got from Gabe.
-Guesstures with the fam. Holy shit it is funny. I seriously should have a 6 pack after last night.
- Molly got fixed and her dew claws removed on Thursday. Crockett was so so so excited to see her. He really hasn't left her side. He was giving her kisses and snuggling right up next to her.
- Putting on a movie in Gabe's room and hearing it while I am doing something in the kitchen.
- Watermelon! It is sooo freaking good. And I think it's pretty good for you too..right?
- Getting my brows waxed on Saturday and no longer having a caterpillar on my forehead.
- Coming to work and given chocolate chip cookies by my friend Natalie.
- My new painted front porch (pictures soon)
- Looking down and seeing my wedding ring. I love my husband so much

DISLIKES
This is kind of a problem. I can be negative really easy. I wish I was more of a cup half full person. Maybe with time I can get there. I have way way more dislikes than likes. Hopefully some of you share the same dislikes and then we can have coffee and discuss our dislikes and eat croissants too and be fancy.

- People whose Facebook picture albums consist of about 90% pictures of themselves. Don't you have more important things in your life? Family, friends, kids, dogs, vacations??? Pretty much you are in love with yourself and should get a room. I don't want to get into my Facebook and be slapped in the face by 6 new uploads of your face in different ways. You smiling mouth open, mouth closed, you giving a seductive glance at the camera, then away from the camera, sticking out your tongue, winking. Who are you??? Do you have a job? I for one do not have time to sit in my bathroom taking 60435103474 pictures of myself. And yes, after writing this I am the stupid one for keeping them on my friends list.

- Me keeping self portrait picture obsessed Facebook picture posters on my friends list. I am just too nice of a person to delete them..instead I talk shit on my blog.

-That when cookies are in front of me I can never eat just 1 or 2. Dammit!!!!

- People that have those stupid ass pictures in the back window of their car like this:

Some people even get more creative and do something like a bunch of frogs, flowers, smiley faces. Once I saw a bunch of the Apple logos. Largest to smallest. DUH. As soon as I see them I want to puke on the back of their car for being so cheesy.

- My stupid OCD about biting my nails. I have nasty ass mechanic hands or something. Or you know on Lord of the Rings..and you can see Frodos hands? Like this:

It's kind of blurry, but you get the idea. I have way short nails. I bite them like crazy. It used to hurt, but I have been doing it so long that I can get them extremely short and it doesn't hurt. It is such a gross disgusting habit. And my hands look nasty and I hate it. I do try growing them out, but then something stresses me out and I automatically bite them off. HELP ME!

My two favorite Dads

I usually try to stay off the computer on the weekends. I'd rather spend it with family and my pups. So because Father's Day is on Sunday, I thought I'd write about my two favorite Dads.

First, my wonderful Dad Ray. Sometimes I call him Pops. He calls me Muggs. Well, the full nickname is (are you ready for this?) Muggledeewampywampy hahahahahahaha. He has a nickname for my brothers and sister too. Mine definitely is the funniest and longest. I love my Dad so much. He is seriously the best Dad ever. Here is some info on my Dad:

- He does not think Will Ferrel is funny at all.
- He got a job at the county golf course just for free golf
- He plays the guitar VERY well
- He sings VERY well
- He opened up for George Strait
- Gabriel and my Dad aka Gampa were the best buddies there ever were
- My Dad has always had a beard. Once he shaved it off and my little sister cried and cried
-He went to U of U because BYU wouldn't allow beards. Well that was part of it, but I pretend to forget the rest of the reasons.
- Anything he cooks is amazing...I think he got it from his Mama. My cute Grandma of course
- He works for a major greeting card company and we have an endless supply of party supplies
- I can call and talk to him about anything
- He gives the best hugs
- He is the coolest mini van driver ever
-Don't ask him how the window in his van got shattered
- He taught me the BEST most AMAZING chocolate chip cookie recipe there ever was

My Dad really is the most wonderful person. He has always been there for me. He tried really hard to not let me grow up too fast. It kinda didn't work. He would not let me wear makeup or spaghetti strap shirts. He never ever let boys in my room. Well at 16 I got pregnant with my sweet angel baby Gabriel. My Dad was disappointed as any parent would be. But, he and my Mom both realized that there was no point in getting mad at me because it already happened and they were gonna be grandparents. Turns out they were just as good grandparents as they were parents.

I left my ex not too long after we got married. Me and Gabe moved in with my Dad. He is the best. He helped me so much with Gabe. Gabe and him were best buddies. He would write songs and sing them to Gabe. Silly Gabe songs. Of course he thought they were the best songs ever! I love my Dad. I will always be grateful to have one like him. I know he will always be there for me no matter what. If I had a million dollars to get him like the most coolest radical Father's Day present ever...I totally would. He deserves it. Instead I will get him golf balls and spray paint them gold and tell him they are priceless real gold golf balls.


Onto the other Dad in my life. My husband Ryan. I cannot thank God enough for sending me and Gabriel such a wonderful man. I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. (except for my Gabe of course). He is a freaking catch! He is funny (like way funny..I dare you not to laugh when you are with him), HOT, hot, hot hot, hot, smart, and kewl. He keeps the house clean, which I am not used to. My ex didn't know what cleaning was derrrrrrrrrrrrr. I laugh even though it frustrates the shit out of me, but if I get myself a glass of water and set it on the counter for a minute..then come back to drink my newly poured water...it will be gone! Vanished! Ryan is like a little sexy clean machine that goes around picking up the house. As soon as I turn my back my damn glass is in the dishwasher. Some fun things about Ryan:

- He has played soccer since he was just a wee little man with no pubies
- He played soccer through college on scholarships no less! And BYU! Can you believe it?
- He and my Dad went on missions almost in the same place
-On said mission he chased a bunch of Mexicans that threw rocks at him then later became friends with them
-If you don't laugh at his jokes, he most certainly will
-He pretty much dedicates his life to kids and soccer
- He is the coolest most talented soccer coach
- He is a high school teacher. He teaches history and is hot like Indiana Jones.
- He loves working out and would make a good living as a trainer if he wanted to
-He hates, no despises olives, cottage cheese, and mushrooms
- He proposed to me by giving me a check yes or no card made with crayons by him and Gabe

I need to call his Mom and thank her like every day for giving birth to and raising such a stud. Seriously from the first time I saw him I was absolutely smitten. I think I might have been drooling. When we started dating although I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time, I knew I would spend my life with him. He and Gabe were instantly buds. Ryan had never really been around or known a severely disabled person before. But he adjusted so fast. Even when we were fighting and "breaking up forever" he would call and want to take Gabe for an afternoon. Gabe's biological Dad (who I don't think deserves the title Dad) was never around. Even when we were married he wasn't interested in the duties of parenthood. Ryan instantly wanted to be there for me and Gabe. After only a month or two of dating he had bought toys and a highchair for Gabe to have at his house. Ryan was at every school activity, doctors appointment, and surgery. He fed Gabe, bathed him, changed his diaper, cleaned him up if he threw up. He would take sick days from work to stay home with Gabe when Gabe was sick. It was easy to fall in love with him. He was and is still the best Dad to Gabe. He will still come home with presents for him. He buys him movies and we'll still play them in his room. Yesterday he came home with a "Mater" truck from Cars for the cemetery to add to his cars collection.

When I first hung out with him I had the privilege of hearing a conversation he had with Jessie who was about 13 at the time. He was so sweet to her and silly. It impressed me so much. Obviously my past was tarnished with how bad a Dad could be. I knew Ryan was a wonderful Dad right then. He spent countless dollars and hours flying and driving to see Jess. He calls her almost every single night since I can remember and they chat even if its only for a few minutes. Jessi still likes to hold his hand and she is a total snuggler. I love that girl like she was my own. She is like a foot taller than me almost though! Ryan loves her so much. When she decided to come to BYU he was so freaking excited. Like a kid at Christmas. She lives so close now and gets to come down on the weekends. Me and Ryan hope she will marry a cute nice guy here and then stay here forever! Ryan would lay down his life for his kids no matter the cost.

I love my Dad and Ryan soooooo incredibly much. Thank you for being in my life!

My Dad and meeee Christmas day

Me being silly and Ryan giving his "blue steel"

Love this song to pieces

As I have mentioned before...I LOVE the band Mumford & Sons. Their music speaks to my soul. I cannot listen to them with out smiling and dancing. They make my negative attitude about something or about my day go away. One of my favorite songs by them is called Sigh No More. Here are the lyrics:

Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, and one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
You know me

But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love will not betray you 
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see, 
The beauty of love as it was made to be.


I love this song. The whole song to me means don't take love for granted. Don't waste it. My favorite part is the last verse. "Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free.." It reminds me of my sweet Gabe. No matter how bad of a day I was having...I came home to his smile. His unconditional love. He never betrayed me or hurt me. His love set me free. He made me happy no matter what. Coming home to his smiling face and having his arms around my neck was the best feeling in the entire world. I am crying as I type this. My heart is overwhelmed with emotion when I think of him. This song makes me happy and makes me wish he was here. I would pick him up and we would turn up the song full blast and dance and twirl in the kitchen.

My dear friends and family, please never ever take love for granted. Don't look past the small stuff. The feeling of your childs fingers wrapped around yours, the smell of their hair, the way they get enjoyment out of just hearing your voice, sitting in a rocking chair singing or reading a book. I treasured my time with Gabriel. I was told by doctors he would never live to adulthood, but I kind of pushed it out of my mind. I spent every day of my life with Gabe soaking up his love and pureness. I will do the same with Ryan. When you have something so precious in your life you have to grab onto it and never let it go.

Kiss your babies and spouse every chance you get. Let your family and friends no how much you love and appreciate them. Never ever be afraid to love. Love is the best thing in the entire world.

I am giving all my friends and family a HUGE hug right now...well in my head. If you feel it, don't worry it's just me!

XOXO

What are the odds?

I am going to tell you a story. It might be real. It might not be real. Let me take you back....back into time................................................................

When I was a young girl of 19 I was dating a boy named Bruce (names have all been changed for privacy and shame) Bruce was a nice guy and really good looking. We were old friends from middle school and high school. It just so happened that he had a PSYCHO girlfriend named Ugly Face during those times. She wouldn't let him talk to girls even if it was a girl with a penis. If I just walked by him and looked his way, I would get major stink eye. Well, me and Bruce were dating after catching up at a party once where there was NO underage drinking at all. And I was ABSOLUTELY, under no circumstances drinking that night. 

It was easy to date him because we had been friends for quite a long time and plus he was very attractive. After about 3 or so months of dating..I was at the mall with my beautiful son and a girl friend of mine. We were innocently chatting away eating our humongous pieces of Sbarro pizza when all of a sudden...Ugly Face marches right up to me...inches from my face and practically screams for everyone to hear "ARE YOU FUCKING BRUCE???!!!!" I being the mature 19 year old that I was politely and calmly said "I am dating him, but if we do have a sex life, that is none of your business." I think she wanted to punch me, but there were too many witnesses. As she walked away I threw a few pepperonis at her and giggled because she was stupid.

I did not want that kind of drama in my life and I didn't want to deal with crazy ex girlfriend Ugly Face. So I broke up with Bruce. I moved on and had a new boyfriend named Collin. After having Gabe I had disgusting National Geographic boobs. I got a nice new set of boobies a little bit after dating Collin. It wasn't some easy peasy surgery where they just pop in the implants. I had a lift too. It was painful as shit and I had to take a lot of time off work and I couldn't even wipe my vadge without help. In the end though it was worth it because there are now glorious. So approximately 1 week after surgery I got a knock at the door. Me and Collin were just watching Jeopardy or something. I went to the door and guess who was standing there? UGLY FACE! She started screaming at the top of her lungs about how her and Bruce were back together and they have an STD and that they are blaming me. I told her,"1st of all I always used protection and second of all after figuring out you and Bruce were still bumping uglies, I got tested. And guess what ugly? It was NEGATIVE for anything." And it was. Well except it did read AWESOME in large amounts.

Now, keep in mind I had just had a pretty major surgery and was all stitched and stapled up. And my tits were wrapped up like I was as a freaking boob mummy. Ugly Face pulled me out of my house onto the porch and proceeded to punch me in the face and knock me off the porch into the grass. I let her do what she wanted because I was worried about booby 1 and 2. She beat the shit out of me. It is not a fond memory. Collin came out after he realized what the hell was going on and pulled her off of me and told her to get the fuck outta there. As she was leaving she was screaming that she was going to find me, blow my car up, set my house on fire, blah blah blah. I called the cops and they got statements from neighbors, me, and Collin. They took pictures of all my owies and said they would be in touch. I pressed charges on that lunatic bitch.

She basically had to pay fines, get counseling for anger management, and I think had community service. It made my year to see her up there bawling her eyes out to the judge. PRICELESS.

Okay, now fast forward 7 years. I was taking a test for school...walked into the room and guess who they sat me next to? UGLY FACE. I can't even tell you how hard it was to sit there for 2 hours and not pick up my computer and throw it at her demented head. Instead we just pretended like we didn't see each other. It was so uncomfortable and awkward. She finished before me and I thank God she didn't know what kind of car I drive...because I guarantee she would've thrown a rock at it or peed on my handle.

Monday likes and dislikes

I decided on the way to work today that I was going to do something fancy on Mondays. Instead of just writing whatever...I am going to name my likes and dislikes at the moment. Monday funday! I will probably piss people off or offend them because I am going to throw out some things that I am sure people I know do. Ask me if I give a care? The answer will always be no. I obviously don't want to hurt peoples feelings, but I am a honest and sometimes a brutally blunt person. Take it or leave it bitches.

LIKES
-Neil Young. He is just what I need on a hard day.
-Crockett. I love how he crawls in bed with me and puts his paw around me and spoons me.
-When Ryan rubs lotion on his ripped abs after showering
-The Batman coffee mug I bought Ryan. When I use it I feel super!
-Tanning. It makes me warm and happy.
-Finding old pictures of my ex husband and ripping them up and throwing them away. I'd wipe my butt with them but it wasn't dirty.
-Game of Thrones. It's an awesome addicting show and Drogo is HOT

DISLIKES
-Parents that name their kids the weirdest names or give their kids a typically normal name and spell it all fucked up and stupid. Examples of the first type: Apple, Bluebell, Moon, Corduroy, Pilot, Urijah

Apple is a effing fruit...not a person. Bluebell is a dog food or something. Moons belong in the sky not on the right corner of your kids report card. Corduroy is a fabric. Pilot is someone that flies a plane. And Urijah sounds like a disease, an infection, or a infectious disease.

If you want to name your offspring something simple like Maria. Don't get all artsy and spell it Mahreeah. That looks freaking stupid and it makes me want to have diahreeah. (yes, I know I spelled that wrong) Or here is an example of a boy. Let's say you like the name Braden for your bundle of joy. Do not for any reason spell it Braidyne. I will personally come to your house and kick your ass.

-Rap. Did all rappers fail grammar class? Or do they write their songs that way for the sake of rhyming? I don't care either way. Also, rappers are sluts. I don't like sluts.

-Dog hair all over my bedding, couch, and clothes. Molly sheds so much. It's so bad I want to follow her around with a lint roller and swipe it on anything she touches. I have to vacuum at least twice a day. Not joking. There needs to be a shampoo or some highly scientific elixir that I can put in to a shampoo to make her not shed. Crockett never sheds. Because I love Molly I will deal with it. But it blows snot chunks.

-Lesbians that act like they are hardcore with a capital "H". You are not a man. I am sure you wish you were a man, but that doesn't give you an excuse to act really hard and cool and too cool. You are 100 pounds and I could bench press you.

-Lastly, the stupid dirty bitch at my work who wipes her long snot rockets all over the inside walls of the bathroom stall, sticks her bloody pad wrapper on the wall or on the handle of the feminine products trash can, and splashes her explosive shit attacks all over the inside and outside of the toilet and leaves it there.

If any of you do any of the above dislikes...I suggest you stop them now.

Maybe it's the damned dirty medication

I talked yesterday about my fat ass and my battle with the bulge. I started thinking about reasons why I wasn't losing weight. It couldn't be my diet or my workout regimen. Then all of a sudden! Eureka! I am like 99% positive its my depression and anxiety meds. I realized I have been taking them for about 6-8 months and since then I have gained 20 pounds. I made a doctor appt with my sweet heart of a lady doctor Mrs. Kim Winegar. If you need a regular doctor to visit...go see her. She is so nice and caring and wonderful. Anyways...I told her I needed a refill on my medications I am taking. BUT first I wanted to tell her what I was going through. I told her of my weight problems and the fact that no matter how much sleep I get, I am still exhausted all day. Not tired all day...EXHAUSTED is the word. She said Saratonin (I think its spelled right) can make you gain weight. She asked me if the Celexa was helping my depression and anxiety. I said "it was, but now because I have become an exotic breed of whale...I am depressed and anxious for a whole new reason!".

She prescribed me something called Wellbutrin (prob spelled wrong) and she said it can make me lose weight and give me energy. I am excited and willing to give it a try. If it doesn't make the weight start coming off and/or I start gaining more...I am off pills forever. FOR. E-EVRRRR. I am vain. I am shallow. I need to be skinny and in shape. I need to look at myself in the mirror and think "DAYAM!" But right now when I look at myself in the mirror especially in the nude...I black out and wake up on the floor. It's a tragedy.

Also she informed me she would be sending someone in to draw my blood. I said "what you talkin bout Willis?" I hate...detest...needles. They strike me with so much fear that I'd rather meet Hitler and tell him he looks like a Jew. But I took one for the team (which I am the only one on the team) and I had Dr. Death draw my blood. I had to hold a dang paper towel to absorb the sweat pouring out of my hands. They were drawing my blood to test me for thyroid problems, Vitamin D deficiency, and Anemia. I guess we'll see what happens.

Mirror mirror on the wall...why am I so gross?

Let me start off by saying that if you don't want to see a blog post from me entirely about my insecurities and doubts about myself...then get out now!

When I was in high school I was a tiny thing around 95 pounds. I ate what I wanted and seriously never worked out. I really did take my body for granted. I think most girls that age do. I wish I could go back in time and punch myself in the face. Can you believe I would even whine and say I was FAT??!!! There wasn't an ounce of fat on me! I was an idiot.

Then I got pregnant at 16 with my beautiful son Gabriel. He was my everything from the moment I found out he was growing in my tummy. At 16 I had no regular workout regimen and I ate anything and everything. Again, I took my little body for granted. Well that bit me in the ass come 9 months later when I gave birth to a 3 pound baby and I had gained 78 pounds. At first I didn't let it get to me that I was big. Trust me, I was BIG. I am only 5'3 so 178 pounds on a short midget isn't attractive. I was more concerned about Gabe and making sure he was healthy and happy. After a few months I realized I couldn't fit into anything and I was still wearing maternity clothes. I went from a size 1 to a size 15. On top of that my stupid husband at the time (BIG MISTAKE) made me feel like a huge ugly whale. He referred to me as battle ax. Which basically means "woman of hideous proportions". I seriously hated him and the only reason I married him was because I was pressured into it by EVERYONE. My Mom was the voice of reason and I was stupid and didn't listen to her. My ex really got me motivated to get all sexy and skinny and then I left his gross ass.

I turned into a gym rat. I was there almost every single day. I didn't do tons of cardio, but I lifted weights like it was no ones business. I had gotten myself back down to a size 3. I was in the best shape of my life. I was muscular and toned and tiny again. This time I worked my ass off for my body and would never take it for granted again. I started dating Ryan and he was also a gym rat. He was (and still is) the sexiest man I've ever seen. He was tan and in amazing shape. Muscular and strong. We worked out together a lot and I had lots of fun with it. After years of doing this I started to get burned out. I went from going 5-6 days a week to going maybe twice then eventually not at all.

 After my angel baby passed away I got worse. I quit caring about life. I quit caring about everything. Especially taking care of myself. I ate pretty much everything and slept most of the time. The last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. I pretty much quit living. After about a year, and constant coaxing from my family, I went to the doctor to get on some anti-depressant and anxiety medication. I started feeling better. Like maybe I could start living for Gabriel again, but this time it would be to make him happy from Heaven. I wanted him to be proud of me. I didn't want him to see me sad. 

A new rec center opened up behind our house and Ryan bought us a family pass. I started going about twice a week to not over do it. I built up to 4-5 days a week. I just went back to my old way of working out which was lots of weights and some cardio. I was getting so frustrated because I was getting really really strong, but my body hadn't changed appearance wise. I talked to my very knowledgeable husband Ryan and he told me that I probably can't work out the same way I did when I was 19. I'm 26 and my body and metabolism are different. He suggested I do the aerobics classes. They have them almost everyday and most are a combination of cardio, weights, and resistance training. I found out I love them! They are fun and go by fast.

Here is the problem though...I have been working out about 4-5 days a week and haven't lost 1 single pound. NOT ONE!!!!! You may think it could possibly be my diet. Let me tell you my diet on a basic day:
Breakfast-coffee, banana, egg whites or special K
snack-something like carrots, apple, yogurt, V8..one of those
lunch-chicken and a veggie
snack-same as above. A snack under 100 calories
dinner-it depends but it's almost always healthy.

I don't eat a lot of junk. The most sugary thing I have all day is my coffee. I am seriously at my wits end. I am so emotionally exhausted from this. I have gotten my thyroid tested twice and it's normal. I workout tons, I eat healthy, I get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. I should be losing inches and pounds like it was nothing. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Its effecting my relationship because I am so insecure. I feel like a fat cow. I literally have 2 closets full of clothes and can't fit into 3/4 of them. I have no idea what else to do. If anyone has any suggestions..I would be willing to try anything except obviously starving myself. I am not that desperate or stupid.

Help a girl out.

Hikin'

We finally have beautiful weather in Utah! On Sunday Ryan and I decided to take the puppies on a hike up Millcreek Canyon. On odd number days they allow people to let their dogs off leash on the trails. We called my little sister Shelby (she's got a cute wiener dog named Mia), and my brother Cody and his gf Diana (their puppy is named Harlow). We drove up the canyon and found a cool trail. The dogs were soooo excited! Crockett led the way with Molly right behind him. I was a stupid and forgot my camera! They were so cute! We went pretty far and most of it was uphill. After awhile they were like "okay guys we are done." In fact at one point Molly and Mia just stopped in the shade and laid down hahaha. That was Molly's first hike. Actually it was her first walk somewhere other than a neighborhood. I have been afraid to take her anywhere until after she got all her puppy shots. Molly and Crockett were so freaking tired the next day. I am really excited that it's finally Summer and I can enjoy it with my husband and puppies.

Me and Dana on our hike!

I could slap a bitch!

As you may know...I am not one to take crap from anyone. I have always been a pretty strong person. Emotionally, not physically (I wish!). I don't let people walk all over me or take advantage of me. I don't let people talk bad about me, my family, or my friends. And if someone gets in my face whether it be a man or woman..they will more than likely suffer the wrath of my fist. The last guy that called me the "C" word ended up with a broken jaw. So that is how I am in my personal life. I am a very nice person unless of course you hurt me or someone I love.

Now work life Heather is completely different. I have to take crap from people on a daily basis. I have to listen to customers bitch at me, yell, swear, and be completely disrespectful and rude. I can't even explain how hard this is for me to do. I would NEVER let someone disrespect me that way in my personal life. EVER.

Most of the calls are easy and pleasant. But at least 1 each day is a bad call. Either they are incredibly stupid and don't pay attention OR they are so unbelievably rude that I want to reach through the phone and slap their dirty whorrish mouths. I took a call this morning and I should mention that it was the FIRST call of the morning. From the very beginning of the call this BITCH of a woman was dead set on making me miserable. I cannot even put into words how mean and condescending she was. I think the phrase "the customer is always right" does not apply in this situation. She made me so angry throughout the duration of the call that by the time I hung up I was shaking and almost in tears. If she is married I feel terrible for her husband. If she is not married then that is no surprise why. I wanted to find her parents and smash their heads together for creating such an evil mean spirited person.

It's been 2 hours since I took the call and I am still pissed. I am trying really hard to let it go and not let it set the tone for the rest of my day. But it's sooooo hard. When something like that happens to me, it's difficult for me to just let it go. I cannot understand for the life of me how people can treat others that way. I will never do that. There have been a few times where I have had a call like that and a few minutes later they call back and apologize to me for treating me like that. They tell me they're just frustrated and they shouldn't take it out on me. Those people I can forgive. Everyone has bad days. This woman, aka spawn of Satan, was just mean for no reason. She wasn't calling because someone effed up her order or calling to complain about something. She was just placing a simple order and she couldn't have made it more difficult and frustrating. I think she just wanted to make me upset and miserable. And I am. Good job lady. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Better yet...just for fun punch yourself in the face for a job well done.

Love,
Heather

Returning from vacation blows

My cute little sister Shelby turned 18 on the 22nd. My Mom and I decided to take her to Vegas to celebrate. We took her friend Jackie and our soon to be sister in law Diana. We had so much fun. The weather was PERFECT. Utah has been so shitty. Gloomy, dark, and rainy. It was such a great change. It was 95 and sunny the whole time. We laid out every day. I have a sexy little tan going on! We were gone for almost 5 days. As much as I enjoyed the weather, I was definitely home sick. I missed my Ryan and my puppies.

We did some fun things and laughed a lot. I should have a 6 pack from how much laughing I did. On the way there we saw two cows humping. It was intriguing and disgusting. How do they get themselves up there when they are so damn heavy? Also, we stopped to pee in the middle of no where because we couldn't find any turn off that had services. Soooo we just pulled off onto the side of the road and did our businasss. We got lots of honks haha. I really didn't care if truckers could see my vadge. I had to pee like it was the end of the world.

There was this really cool hotel called The Cosmopolitan. It was a new one on the strip. We decided to explore. It was super fancy and cool. I could never afford a place like that. It was all artsy fartsy and stuff. Well during our exploration of this fancy pants hotel we found these HUGE shoes. My Mom decided she was 5 and wanted to climb in one. Of course she slipped and fell and got stuck. I mean majorly stuck. We were trying for like 15 minutes to get her out. We were laughing so hard we all almost peed. There was a crowd forming too. It was effing hilarious. 

My 18 year old sister got hit on by two 32 year old men. My Mom went all Mama Bear on them and they proceeded to buy her a drink hahaha.

We stayed at the ever so fancy Hooters Hotel and Casino. I love being classy. The pool actually wasn't half bad and the drinks were delicious. I got a Pina Colada frozen beverage and then a Strawberry Daquiri or however you spell it. There were plenty of drunk stupid men saying drunk stupid things. And eye raping me and the other girls. But who can beat $270 for 4 nights? And I can take being asked to smoke some chronic a few times by our neighbors as long as they got caught by security WHICH THEY DID.

We went to the Peep Show which was friggin awesome. Holly Maddison is so pretty. And I have never in my life seen such perfect symmetrical boobs. Josh Strickland is hot as hell and has a crazy set of pipes! He can sing like none other. The show was awesome. It wasn't just a bunch of naked chicks dancing around. There were so many cool dances and tricks. It was so funny and entertaining. I would go see it again in a heartbeat! I would recommend it to anyone except for Mormons, my Dad, and nuns.

It was such a fun trip. Now I am back home and I am tired. Why does it take a few days after vacation to recoup? I am exhausted. I took my lunch at work today at 9 am and went and slept in my car for an hour. It wasn't long enough. I could go home and sleep all day. I didn't even drink that much! I can honestly say I didn't even get drunk in Vegas. On top of this...school ended and Ryan will be able to sleep in ALL SUMMER. I get to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and go to work all day while he gets to sleep in and drink coffee in our bed. NOT FAIR. And he will rub it in like he does every year that bastard! I will get him back somehow....hmmmmm

And here are some pictures from Sin City.

My Mom stuck in the shoe of death and Dana laughing at her

My pretty sis and me

Trying to help my Mom out

My Mom almost peeing herself

M&M's are yummy!

The crazy Cosmopolitan hotel lobby

I wanted to help them escape and take them to the wild

Me and my buddy Holly

Dana and Holly

Fremont Street was friggin cool