Thursdays

Thursdays blow. Not like Mondays...or a prostitute. But they do blow. It's soooo close to Friday, but not just yet. They piss me off. And here is what has happened to me so far this Thursday. 

1) Someone in my office (bless their lil heart) makes the shittiest coffee ever. Have you ever gone to the coffee machine, noticed it was 90% full, and poured it all out so you can make it the way you like it? I have. I just did. I am not ashamed and I don't care who knows it. I make the best effing coffee ever. Like prob ever. I need to own my own coffee shop. I am not telling you the name either. Because then you will steal it. It's that good. 

2) I got crop dusted so fucking bad today. Either this guy was saving up 1,000 farts after eating 1,000 pieces of broccoli OR he shit his pants and was walking as cool as he could, but inside was crying for his Mommy and needed to get home ASAP. I'm pretty positive he shit his pants. I would bet money on it. 

3) Put on a pair of my panties that I wore when I was 20 pounds lighter. They are constricting my sides and I am going to need stitches to seal up the wound. But this morning I was like fuck it I am tired. 

Friday Favorites

I suck ass at posting lately. Life has just been so busy and you know how it is being an adult. I bought some cool and cute stuff lately, and I wanted to share it with my pals. 

1) I am pretty much kind of obsessed with lipstick, chapstick, gloss, stains...I don't even know how many lippies I have. But, I just bought the most awesomest lipstick at Sephora! It's by Smashbox (my fave makeup brand) and its called Fuchsia Flash. It's about $18 and a matte. I personally love matte lipsticks better. They stay on much longer and if you want a shine to it then just put a gloss on afterwards. Easy peasy.

 

2) I got this dress at Target for $25. It fits so perfect and it has thick enough straps so my big breasted friends can wear a bra.

3) And I got these cute as a button sandals for $29.99 at Tarjay as well. 

4) And lastly, I got another addition to my sleeve. This came to me in a funny way. I was looking on Pinterest and came upon some of Betsy Johnson's jewelry. She designed a sugar skull with a fruit hat on top of it. Kind of like the Chiquita Banana lady, but dead haha. Here it is without color. I have an appt soon for my bright bright color!

In the land of Targetville

I went to Target today on my lunch...to spend some money that I don't have. I learned a few things:

1) Everyone in Utah that has a crying baby was at Target today. 

2) I can't go to Target without getting a Starbucks 

3) Target has "fat mirrors" which means they make you look at least 500 pounds more than you really are. It's a wonder they stay in business.

4) There was a very creepy lookin security dude there hocking up lougies and staring creepily at me

5) I wish I had a fart saved up when I walked by that creepy security man. That would've taught him

6) Women (stay at home moms) take all 50 of their kids to Target at the same time, shove them all into the same cart along with diapers, tampons, a scenic picture, towels, and V8 splash, and a Lego set

7) Women cannot park. Myself included

8) Mentally I got into a serious physical fight (and won) with a stupid bitch that was walking out and gave me the look of death. I can only imagine it was because of my tattoos and I blew a kiss at her

9) Target fruit snacks are delicious

10) All of the clothes and accessories for Summer right now are absolutely adorable and you MUST go purchase them NOW!!!!