Eat your dog food!

My dogs are a blessing to me. I love them both so much. They are always happy to see me and are always willing to cuddle and play. And they are the best cuddlers :) But I have laid to rest many things since I have had my dogs. Let's take a look back and remember all the murdered and assaulted possessions of mine that suffered at the hands paws of Molly and Crockett.

-Socks. Multiple socks. Like I bet I could make a quilt to cover a giant with all the socks that they destroyed together. 

-Money. Cash and checks. Wtf? Who eats money? Don't they realize that the $20 they just ate could have bought them 2 bags of pig ears?

-Furniture. Kitchen chairs and table, two couches...(none of the arms were safe), patio furniture, swimming pool

-Photo albums. Thank God Crockett didn't get to the pictures inside and just the covers. Because I seriously kicked his ass and if he destroyed the pictures of Gabe...he would have been a dead dog.

-Underwear. Mostly mine. RIP panties with crotch eaten out

-Remotes

-Cell phone. $300 cell phone might I add.

-Multiple flip flops

-Slippers. This year alone I have had to say good bye to 4 pairs.

-$250 prescription eye glasses. I went ape shit on Crockett and in the middle of Winter in the snow I ran outside and walked around the neighborhood in gym shorts and a t shirt until I was positive he was more important than the glasses.

-Stuffed animals. Specifically Gabe's stuffed animals. Two of his monkeys are now blind.

-Rugs. 3 rugs to be exact.

-Pillows. I would say 5 pillows at least.

-Back porch. We do not have beavers living with us that are eating the wood and storing it for their dam. We have two dogs that apparently have a weird ass craving for wood sometimes.

-Bark. Decorative bark for flowers beds...we have since changed to decorative rock in the backyard flower beds.

-Chain link fence. When Crockett was a puppy he chewed his way out of his dog run.

-Blankets

-Toilet paper. Molly prefers to take the end of it and then carry it around the house with her. So then I walk in and there is a long stream of TP going from room to room and leading right into the belly of the beast.

-Book and journal

-Shoes and shoe laces

-Dog house

-Tree

-Mouse

-Pine cones. I told you about my decorative pine cones. They are all gone. They left behind a very lonely basket.

I don't even know the dollar amount of everything they have ruined. But I do know although they have made me and Ryan crazed lunatic bat shit angry...I can't picture my life without them. I love them so so much and I am thankful for them every day.

Monday likes and dislikes 9

Hello readers. I had a pretty fun weekend. Honestly though I could do without the heat. I felt like a fat beached whale or a fat beached seal sun bathing on seal island. I hate the heat. I am not Summers biggest fan. I like cooler temps like Spring and Fall. Plus Crockett is miserable in the Summer. It breaks my lil ole heart.

Likes
- My Dad called me Saturday and asked me if I wanted to go see the new Fright Night. Do you have to even ask? Of course I wanted to see it! I was practically peeing my pants when I saw the preview. I am obsessed with vampire anything. And guess what movie started it for me way back in the day when I was an ugly little child with snaggle teeth? Fright Night. I think the original came out in 1985. You need to see the first one. I don't recommend renting it. You need to buy it. Because you will want to watch it 321035406540 times. THEN after you watch that...go to the movies and buy 212403463464 tickets because you will want to watch the new one over and over too. PLUS Collin Farrell plays the vampire and I want him to bite me in naughty places.

Original Fright Night

New Fright Night

-Starting boot camp today. I am so excited. I can't wait to lose weight and actually feel sexy and confident again. When I am feeling that way again you will know. And how will  you know? I will strut the streets of Utah butt ass naked...that's how!

-Cookies. Specifically my cookies. I am not referring to something derogatory people. I mean chocolate chip cookies that I bake in the oven. They are the most amazing thing ever. I made some last night and I want to eat them every single day of my life.

Dislikes
-Lady Gaga. She bugs the ever living shit out of me. "ohhh look at me! I like to wear weird clothes and not wear a bra even though my tits are way saggy."

-People that refuse to listen. They are asking questions, but won't shut up long enough to let me answer. Then when I answer them...that isn't the answer they wanted. You know what? Eff you buddy! Eff you!

I came, I shopped, I conquered

I have mentioned on here that I have gained some weight. Therefor I need bigger clothes. Therefor I have an excuse to spend money. I like new things. I like new clothes. I don't like spending money. I am a cheap ass bargain hunting thrifting whore bag. I would like to share with you what I discovered. One of my favorite websites to shop is called www.alloy.com and they seriously have the cutest clothes, shoes, and accessories. Right now they are doing this huge clearance sale and its up to 80% off bitches. Here is what I bought saved on.

This shirt is meowtastic and it regularly is $24.90. I got it for $9.99

This awesome Navy shirt was regularly $26.90 and I got it for $14.99

This jacket was $39.90 and I purchased it for $14.99 NIIIICE

This awesome shirt was regularly $22.90 and I picked it up for a cool $9.99

So you are welcome for telling you about this cool website and this cool sale. Don't be afraid to buy me something. And FYI the shirts run a little small so I suggest one size bigger.

Monday likes and dislikes 8

Today has been a testing day. Testing of my patience. I hate Mondays and I hate mornings...so Monday mornings are a double shot of bull shit. I will try to look past the doom and gloom and give you a few likes along with a lot of major dislikes.

Likes
- Sundays swimming with my family. I wish I took pictures of yesterday because it was a blast. But at the same time if I took pictures of yesterday you would have to see me in a swimming suit and you would absolutely throw up all over your computer.

- Willow. That movie is so old, but I love its guts. And guess what? Val Kilmer is freaking hot as hell back in the day. Madmartigan! Madmartigan!

- Smart Cookie. They make the most delicious sugar cookies that have ever entered my mouth. My good friend Natalie loves me sooooo much and bought me one today.

Dislikes
- Not looking hot in a bikini anymore. Trust me, I am working on it. And I came to a conclusion. I hate working out and dieting. When will having a muffin top be sexy?

-Smart Cookie. First of all they totally screwed Natalie over and charged her $3 per cookie and wouldn't give her the money back. And to add insult to injury...the cookies are NOT calorie free. I swear God will never answer my prayers to make every single cookie in the world fat free and calorie free.

-Kim Kardashion. She bugs me.

-Women who turn into total bitches on the phone. They think they are so brave and tough. I want to slap their Mother.

Bear Lake 2011

A few weeks ago Ryan and I took the dogs and went to Bear Lake. It was really fun to get away and just be one with nature hahaha I am silly.


This is Ryan in the lake the 1st day. It was soooo full. You see that bush? Its a tree.




Molly was scared of the waves. She kept barking at them. Oh, and that is Crockett in the background taking a duker.



My Crockett shaking what his Momma gave him

Is that Shamu? Yes, yes it is.



The girls posing and Crockett being too cool



Crockett would swim out to Ryan and take sticks from him





I love this one. I wanna blow it up and frame it



I was attacked! Crockett would swim right up to you and be kicking his legs to his hearts content and he scratched the shit out of my ass

 So that was the first day there. Later that night my brother Cody and his girlfriend Diana aka Dana came down. Me and Dana decided to play catch. And I looked like a pro.





Blue steel

I wasn't going to post this picture. But you all need to realize that sometimes I am not perfect.

I was channeling Tom Brady

I think Dana purposely threw the football at my foot. And no, I don't look like this when I am having an orgasm

And then she threw it at my fat gut. She is very abusive.

Molly being a sleepy girl

Handsome Crockett posing for a picture and hoping Uncle Cody will share his sammich

Cody and Crockett watching me and Dana be ballers

Molly trying to get Ryans attention



Buddies



Handsome Ryan making our fire

It was a really fun trip. We got rained on the last night there while we were getting to bed and it was awesome. I could totally do that every night. Molly and Crockett had a blast and were so worn out the whole next week. There were only two bad things the whole trip.
1) Two ugly ass pomeranians in the camp site next to us. They would not shut the eff up. If it weren't for the witnesses I would have thrown them in the lake.
2) The stupid ass fat whiny kid in the camp next to us. Everything she did was annoying. It would be midnight and she would be in the tent crying her eyes out bitching about absolutely nothing. I wanted to shove a box of Twinkies in her mouth to shut her up. It would have kept her busy for at least 15 minutes.

We stayed at the KOA campground and there were really nice bathrooms and lots of trees for shade. But, I will never stay there again. There is no privacy. They pack campers in there like sardines. I like campgrounds where your individual site is more secluded. I couldn't even have the sex. I was too worried it would disturb fat kid and the pomeranians.

I miss you my sweet Gabe

This picture is from Gabe's school Thanksgiving dinner. He was a rough and tumble cowboy who would only eat mashed potatoes and cool whip that night. I cherish the years I had with him. Gabriel is the most wonderful boy in the whole world. And now he is the most wonderful boy in Heaven. I understand that God wanted him back because who wouldn't want Gabe? What I don't understand is why he had to take him from me. I am his Mother. I carried him for 9 months, lived and breathed for him all his life. We were so happy. He had finally gotten his very own room. A sports room with his own flat screen TV that he could watch all his cartoons on. His own big boy bed.

Today is two years since he was taken from me. Those of you that are close to me may think time has made it easier for me. Honestly, time makes it harder. Every day that passes just is another blow to my reality that he is not coming back. Every morning I fight getting out of bed. I don't want to face the truth. I try my hardest because I love my son. I know he is watching down on me and I don't want to worry him or make him sad. Even now he is my life. He will always be on my mind and in my heart.

Let me tell you about his last night here. I worked that day and my Aunt Cami (he loved her soooo much and she loves him) was tending him. They were best buddies and I think she had taken him on a nice walk that day. When I picked him up he was so excited to see me. Nothing made me happier than seeing his face light up when he heard my voice. I picked him up and instantly my shoulder was covered in his drool. My favorite thing :) If you are a Mommy then you'll understand. It was seriously the nicest day so we drove home with the windows down. Gabriel loved this. I always had my rear view mirror pointed down in his direction so I could see what he was doing back there. He was smiling bigger than ever with his eyes closed and the wind blowing in his precious face.

When we got home I sat him in his highchair and put in Monsters Inc. I had to make dinner for me and Ryan. As I was boiling the noodles, Gabe started kind of fussing. So I went in there and that little stinker had pooped all over himself. Like all up his back. It was lovely. And then when he knew what he had done, and that I had to clean it up, he started giggling and thought it was the funniest thing ever. So I got him out of his stinky chair and laid him on the ground in front of his bathroom and ran a bath. I started getting him undressed and set his poopy diaper to the side. The noodles were bubbling over so I ran over to the stove to turn them down. Gabriel decided it would be oh so funny to kick his poopy diaper and get it all over his little feet. Just as he was doing that, Ryan walked in. Ryan and Gabe were always on each others side and they both thought it was hilarious to tease me. Ryan picked Gabe up and put him in the bath. He started laughing because he put Gabe in the bath with his socks on.

That night will forever be in my head. I will never forget any detail of it. I treasure it. My sweet Grammie gave me this poem and I have it hung in Gabes room. I thought I would share it with you.

Heaven's Very Special Child

A meeting was held quite far from Earth.
"It's time again for another birth", said the angels to the Lord above.
"This special child will need much love.
His progress may seem very slow
Accomplishments be may not show
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets way down there.
He may not run or laugh or play
His thoughts may seem quite far away
In many ways he won't adapt
And he'll be known as handicapped.
So let's be careful where he's sent
We want his life to be content
Please, Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you
They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love
And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for this gift from Heaven
Their precious charge so meek and mild
Is Heavens Special Child."

Monday likes and dislikes 7

LIKES
- I like (or should I say love?) how soothing a cup of coffee is. I am not sure what it is about coffee, but it gives me the warm fuzzies.

-That I FINALLY grew out my nails. It was seriously soooo hard. I have bitten them all my life. I was sick and tired of having nasty ass mechanic looking freak show hands. I wanted nice dainty looking hands. The kind of hands that look like I could be a hand model like George Costanza.

- The awesome bracelet my brother Kason made me that is blue (Gabes fave color) and is says Gabriel on it.


DISLIKES
- No sleep the last few nights. I am exhausted. Huge ugly bags under my eyes. I've heard Preparation H works for bags...it gets rid of the puffiness. If it can work for a butt then it can work for my face. Coincidentally because of the lack of sleep...my face does look like butt.

-The reason I haven't slept is because of my effin teeth. I had 2 cavities filled last Tuesday and they have hurt worse and worse as the days go on. Today I almost can't stand it. I am sitting here at work in so much pain that I want to cry. I have an appointment at noon and they better freaking fix this shit. I would rather have my period every day for 5 months straight than deal with this pain. I hate the dentist. I hate all dentists!!!!

- Asshole people who are NOT handicapped and they park in the handicap spaces. For most of Gabe's life we didn't have a handicap tag when we could have easily gotten one. We never parked in the handicap spots until we got one for him. People that do that are so freaking rude and inconsiderate. There is a guy that is the janitor what ever dude at my work. He has this big truck and he parks in a handicap spot right in front. I want to punch him in the junk and punch his truck.

Who needs a bed when you have a box?

Jasmine. Oh Jasmine. She truly is a special one. I bought her a cat house once. A pretty decent cat house too! To climb on, perch on, be sneaky on, and it had cubbies where she could hide and sleep. BUT she never played on it. Not once! She prefers to find her own places to hang out. Jasmine is a very weird cat. A very cute cat. But a very weird cat. Behold:

This one is really hard to see her. She is inside the duffel bag

Jasmine is Gabes kitty. That is why I originally bought her. She loved him sooo much

Let me tell you a little about this picture above. See that basket? Yeah...the one with my cat in it. I bought it at Tai Pan last year around Christmas minus the cat. I filled it with those cinnamon scented pine cones and some red and green potpourri and it smelled and looked lovely. Slowly I kept finding missing pine cones. Then one day I realized it was my freaking dogs eating them! I told them very seriously and very sternly "Molly and Crockett! These pine cones are not toys...they are decorations...and you are FUCKING it all up!!!" I thought for sure that the pine cone eating would cease to exist after that. Not so much. It's like it made them crave those delicious forbidden pine cones more. So the other day I said to hell with it and I tossed out the 4 that were left in there.

I need to find something else to go on my coffee table, but I haven't looked yet. So there is just an empty basket. Today Ryan texted me that picture and said "Your new center piece". I just love it...what about you?

Pretty sure I was a princess

Maybe I was a princess in a past life? It could have happened! I would have been a beautiful, kind, popular princess...my name would have been something beautiful too like Elena, Aurora, Ariana, Aowin. It definitely wouldn't have been Princess Heather. I would have had the most beautiful gowns and taken baths with rose petals and lavender. And my husband would probably be an egotistical bastard who cheated on me all the time with maids and servant girls. But I would totally not care because I was rich and I had many knights on the side.

Right now I am obsessed with movies and shows that are centered around kingdoms, royalty, knights, castles. All that fun stuffs. I am going to recommend some shows that you NEED to watch. If you don't then you  most definitely were NOT royalty in a past life like I was. Because if you were royalty, then you would watch it and reminisce of those lovely times.

-Game of Thrones: awesome TV show on HBO. "Seven noble families fight for control of the mythical land of Westeros. Political and sexual intrigue is pervasive. The dominant families are the Houses Stark, Lannister, and Baratheon. Robert Baratheon, King of Westeros, asks his old friend Eddard, Lord Stark, to serve as Hand of the King, or highest official. Secretly warned that the previous Hand was assassinated, Eddard accepts in order to investigate further. Meanwhile the Queen's family, the Lannisters, may be hatching a plot to take power. Across the sea, the last members of the previous and deposed ruling family, the Targaryens, are also scheming to regain the throne. The friction between these clans, and with the remaining great Houses Greyjoy, Tully, Arryn, and Tyrell, leads to full-scale war. All while a very ancient evil awakens in the farthest North. Amidst the war and political confusion, a neglected military order of misfits... "

-Camelot: on Starz. "A young, visceral tale of idealism, adventure and romance, the series chronicles
the story of legendary King Arthur.

- The Tudors: on HBO. "This costume drama features England's splendid Renaissance dynasty under King Henry VIII. Beginning in Season 1 when Henry VIII was growing desperate for an heir and growing distant from his first wife, the series moves quickly to the period when Anne Boelyn became his obsession. During this time Cardinal Wolsey rose to become the power behind his throne, ruling ruthlessly and nearly absolutely while Henry (played by Johnathon Rhyes Meyers) for the most part followed the Cardinal's advice, maneuvering through a series of betrayals and plots against him. When Anne Boelyn plays much harder to get than any woman ever has, Henry begins to search for a way out of his marriage to Katherine of Aragon, so that he can make Anne his wife. Needing a divorce, Henry turns to Wolsey, who promises to help him create waves of backlash from the church, as well as the Spanish Habsburg dynasty and its overseas empire"

These are just a few of the shows I have been watching. I love all the costumes the actors are wearing. I love the sexy manly men. I love the action and the romance. And the endless amounts of wine. Do yourself a favor and watch these shows. I believe all of them are on Netflix. I think you can watch Game of Thrones on HBO.com too.