Monday likes and dislikes 2

LIKES
- Buying presents for Ryan and my Dad for Fathers Day and seeing their smiles :) Ryan loved the bumble bee cookie he got from Gabe.
-Guesstures with the fam. Holy shit it is funny. I seriously should have a 6 pack after last night.
- Molly got fixed and her dew claws removed on Thursday. Crockett was so so so excited to see her. He really hasn't left her side. He was giving her kisses and snuggling right up next to her.
- Putting on a movie in Gabe's room and hearing it while I am doing something in the kitchen.
- Watermelon! It is sooo freaking good. And I think it's pretty good for you too..right?
- Getting my brows waxed on Saturday and no longer having a caterpillar on my forehead.
- Coming to work and given chocolate chip cookies by my friend Natalie.
- My new painted front porch (pictures soon)
- Looking down and seeing my wedding ring. I love my husband so much

DISLIKES
This is kind of a problem. I can be negative really easy. I wish I was more of a cup half full person. Maybe with time I can get there. I have way way more dislikes than likes. Hopefully some of you share the same dislikes and then we can have coffee and discuss our dislikes and eat croissants too and be fancy.

- People whose Facebook picture albums consist of about 90% pictures of themselves. Don't you have more important things in your life? Family, friends, kids, dogs, vacations??? Pretty much you are in love with yourself and should get a room. I don't want to get into my Facebook and be slapped in the face by 6 new uploads of your face in different ways. You smiling mouth open, mouth closed, you giving a seductive glance at the camera, then away from the camera, sticking out your tongue, winking. Who are you??? Do you have a job? I for one do not have time to sit in my bathroom taking 60435103474 pictures of myself. And yes, after writing this I am the stupid one for keeping them on my friends list.

- Me keeping self portrait picture obsessed Facebook picture posters on my friends list. I am just too nice of a person to delete them..instead I talk shit on my blog.

-That when cookies are in front of me I can never eat just 1 or 2. Dammit!!!!

- People that have those stupid ass pictures in the back window of their car like this:

Some people even get more creative and do something like a bunch of frogs, flowers, smiley faces. Once I saw a bunch of the Apple logos. Largest to smallest. DUH. As soon as I see them I want to puke on the back of their car for being so cheesy.

- My stupid OCD about biting my nails. I have nasty ass mechanic hands or something. Or you know on Lord of the Rings..and you can see Frodos hands? Like this:

It's kind of blurry, but you get the idea. I have way short nails. I bite them like crazy. It used to hurt, but I have been doing it so long that I can get them extremely short and it doesn't hurt. It is such a gross disgusting habit. And my hands look nasty and I hate it. I do try growing them out, but then something stresses me out and I automatically bite them off. HELP ME!

My two favorite Dads

I usually try to stay off the computer on the weekends. I'd rather spend it with family and my pups. So because Father's Day is on Sunday, I thought I'd write about my two favorite Dads.

First, my wonderful Dad Ray. Sometimes I call him Pops. He calls me Muggs. Well, the full nickname is (are you ready for this?) Muggledeewampywampy hahahahahahaha. He has a nickname for my brothers and sister too. Mine definitely is the funniest and longest. I love my Dad so much. He is seriously the best Dad ever. Here is some info on my Dad:

- He does not think Will Ferrel is funny at all.
- He got a job at the county golf course just for free golf
- He plays the guitar VERY well
- He sings VERY well
- He opened up for George Strait
- Gabriel and my Dad aka Gampa were the best buddies there ever were
- My Dad has always had a beard. Once he shaved it off and my little sister cried and cried
-He went to U of U because BYU wouldn't allow beards. Well that was part of it, but I pretend to forget the rest of the reasons.
- Anything he cooks is amazing...I think he got it from his Mama. My cute Grandma of course
- He works for a major greeting card company and we have an endless supply of party supplies
- I can call and talk to him about anything
- He gives the best hugs
- He is the coolest mini van driver ever
-Don't ask him how the window in his van got shattered
- He taught me the BEST most AMAZING chocolate chip cookie recipe there ever was

My Dad really is the most wonderful person. He has always been there for me. He tried really hard to not let me grow up too fast. It kinda didn't work. He would not let me wear makeup or spaghetti strap shirts. He never ever let boys in my room. Well at 16 I got pregnant with my sweet angel baby Gabriel. My Dad was disappointed as any parent would be. But, he and my Mom both realized that there was no point in getting mad at me because it already happened and they were gonna be grandparents. Turns out they were just as good grandparents as they were parents.

I left my ex not too long after we got married. Me and Gabe moved in with my Dad. He is the best. He helped me so much with Gabe. Gabe and him were best buddies. He would write songs and sing them to Gabe. Silly Gabe songs. Of course he thought they were the best songs ever! I love my Dad. I will always be grateful to have one like him. I know he will always be there for me no matter what. If I had a million dollars to get him like the most coolest radical Father's Day present ever...I totally would. He deserves it. Instead I will get him golf balls and spray paint them gold and tell him they are priceless real gold golf balls.


Onto the other Dad in my life. My husband Ryan. I cannot thank God enough for sending me and Gabriel such a wonderful man. I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. (except for my Gabe of course). He is a freaking catch! He is funny (like way funny..I dare you not to laugh when you are with him), HOT, hot, hot hot, hot, smart, and kewl. He keeps the house clean, which I am not used to. My ex didn't know what cleaning was derrrrrrrrrrrrr. I laugh even though it frustrates the shit out of me, but if I get myself a glass of water and set it on the counter for a minute..then come back to drink my newly poured water...it will be gone! Vanished! Ryan is like a little sexy clean machine that goes around picking up the house. As soon as I turn my back my damn glass is in the dishwasher. Some fun things about Ryan:

- He has played soccer since he was just a wee little man with no pubies
- He played soccer through college on scholarships no less! And BYU! Can you believe it?
- He and my Dad went on missions almost in the same place
-On said mission he chased a bunch of Mexicans that threw rocks at him then later became friends with them
-If you don't laugh at his jokes, he most certainly will
-He pretty much dedicates his life to kids and soccer
- He is the coolest most talented soccer coach
- He is a high school teacher. He teaches history and is hot like Indiana Jones.
- He loves working out and would make a good living as a trainer if he wanted to
-He hates, no despises olives, cottage cheese, and mushrooms
- He proposed to me by giving me a check yes or no card made with crayons by him and Gabe

I need to call his Mom and thank her like every day for giving birth to and raising such a stud. Seriously from the first time I saw him I was absolutely smitten. I think I might have been drooling. When we started dating although I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time, I knew I would spend my life with him. He and Gabe were instantly buds. Ryan had never really been around or known a severely disabled person before. But he adjusted so fast. Even when we were fighting and "breaking up forever" he would call and want to take Gabe for an afternoon. Gabe's biological Dad (who I don't think deserves the title Dad) was never around. Even when we were married he wasn't interested in the duties of parenthood. Ryan instantly wanted to be there for me and Gabe. After only a month or two of dating he had bought toys and a highchair for Gabe to have at his house. Ryan was at every school activity, doctors appointment, and surgery. He fed Gabe, bathed him, changed his diaper, cleaned him up if he threw up. He would take sick days from work to stay home with Gabe when Gabe was sick. It was easy to fall in love with him. He was and is still the best Dad to Gabe. He will still come home with presents for him. He buys him movies and we'll still play them in his room. Yesterday he came home with a "Mater" truck from Cars for the cemetery to add to his cars collection.

When I first hung out with him I had the privilege of hearing a conversation he had with Jessie who was about 13 at the time. He was so sweet to her and silly. It impressed me so much. Obviously my past was tarnished with how bad a Dad could be. I knew Ryan was a wonderful Dad right then. He spent countless dollars and hours flying and driving to see Jess. He calls her almost every single night since I can remember and they chat even if its only for a few minutes. Jessi still likes to hold his hand and she is a total snuggler. I love that girl like she was my own. She is like a foot taller than me almost though! Ryan loves her so much. When she decided to come to BYU he was so freaking excited. Like a kid at Christmas. She lives so close now and gets to come down on the weekends. Me and Ryan hope she will marry a cute nice guy here and then stay here forever! Ryan would lay down his life for his kids no matter the cost.

I love my Dad and Ryan soooooo incredibly much. Thank you for being in my life!

My Dad and meeee Christmas day

Me being silly and Ryan giving his "blue steel"

Love this song to pieces

As I have mentioned before...I LOVE the band Mumford & Sons. Their music speaks to my soul. I cannot listen to them with out smiling and dancing. They make my negative attitude about something or about my day go away. One of my favorite songs by them is called Sigh No More. Here are the lyrics:

Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, and one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
You know me

But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love will not betray you 
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see, 
The beauty of love as it was made to be.


I love this song. The whole song to me means don't take love for granted. Don't waste it. My favorite part is the last verse. "Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free.." It reminds me of my sweet Gabe. No matter how bad of a day I was having...I came home to his smile. His unconditional love. He never betrayed me or hurt me. His love set me free. He made me happy no matter what. Coming home to his smiling face and having his arms around my neck was the best feeling in the entire world. I am crying as I type this. My heart is overwhelmed with emotion when I think of him. This song makes me happy and makes me wish he was here. I would pick him up and we would turn up the song full blast and dance and twirl in the kitchen.

My dear friends and family, please never ever take love for granted. Don't look past the small stuff. The feeling of your childs fingers wrapped around yours, the smell of their hair, the way they get enjoyment out of just hearing your voice, sitting in a rocking chair singing or reading a book. I treasured my time with Gabriel. I was told by doctors he would never live to adulthood, but I kind of pushed it out of my mind. I spent every day of my life with Gabe soaking up his love and pureness. I will do the same with Ryan. When you have something so precious in your life you have to grab onto it and never let it go.

Kiss your babies and spouse every chance you get. Let your family and friends no how much you love and appreciate them. Never ever be afraid to love. Love is the best thing in the entire world.

I am giving all my friends and family a HUGE hug right now...well in my head. If you feel it, don't worry it's just me!

XOXO

What are the odds?

I am going to tell you a story. It might be real. It might not be real. Let me take you back....back into time................................................................

When I was a young girl of 19 I was dating a boy named Bruce (names have all been changed for privacy and shame) Bruce was a nice guy and really good looking. We were old friends from middle school and high school. It just so happened that he had a PSYCHO girlfriend named Ugly Face during those times. She wouldn't let him talk to girls even if it was a girl with a penis. If I just walked by him and looked his way, I would get major stink eye. Well, me and Bruce were dating after catching up at a party once where there was NO underage drinking at all. And I was ABSOLUTELY, under no circumstances drinking that night. 

It was easy to date him because we had been friends for quite a long time and plus he was very attractive. After about 3 or so months of dating..I was at the mall with my beautiful son and a girl friend of mine. We were innocently chatting away eating our humongous pieces of Sbarro pizza when all of a sudden...Ugly Face marches right up to me...inches from my face and practically screams for everyone to hear "ARE YOU FUCKING BRUCE???!!!!" I being the mature 19 year old that I was politely and calmly said "I am dating him, but if we do have a sex life, that is none of your business." I think she wanted to punch me, but there were too many witnesses. As she walked away I threw a few pepperonis at her and giggled because she was stupid.

I did not want that kind of drama in my life and I didn't want to deal with crazy ex girlfriend Ugly Face. So I broke up with Bruce. I moved on and had a new boyfriend named Collin. After having Gabe I had disgusting National Geographic boobs. I got a nice new set of boobies a little bit after dating Collin. It wasn't some easy peasy surgery where they just pop in the implants. I had a lift too. It was painful as shit and I had to take a lot of time off work and I couldn't even wipe my vadge without help. In the end though it was worth it because there are now glorious. So approximately 1 week after surgery I got a knock at the door. Me and Collin were just watching Jeopardy or something. I went to the door and guess who was standing there? UGLY FACE! She started screaming at the top of her lungs about how her and Bruce were back together and they have an STD and that they are blaming me. I told her,"1st of all I always used protection and second of all after figuring out you and Bruce were still bumping uglies, I got tested. And guess what ugly? It was NEGATIVE for anything." And it was. Well except it did read AWESOME in large amounts.

Now, keep in mind I had just had a pretty major surgery and was all stitched and stapled up. And my tits were wrapped up like I was as a freaking boob mummy. Ugly Face pulled me out of my house onto the porch and proceeded to punch me in the face and knock me off the porch into the grass. I let her do what she wanted because I was worried about booby 1 and 2. She beat the shit out of me. It is not a fond memory. Collin came out after he realized what the hell was going on and pulled her off of me and told her to get the fuck outta there. As she was leaving she was screaming that she was going to find me, blow my car up, set my house on fire, blah blah blah. I called the cops and they got statements from neighbors, me, and Collin. They took pictures of all my owies and said they would be in touch. I pressed charges on that lunatic bitch.

She basically had to pay fines, get counseling for anger management, and I think had community service. It made my year to see her up there bawling her eyes out to the judge. PRICELESS.

Okay, now fast forward 7 years. I was taking a test for school...walked into the room and guess who they sat me next to? UGLY FACE. I can't even tell you how hard it was to sit there for 2 hours and not pick up my computer and throw it at her demented head. Instead we just pretended like we didn't see each other. It was so uncomfortable and awkward. She finished before me and I thank God she didn't know what kind of car I drive...because I guarantee she would've thrown a rock at it or peed on my handle.

Monday likes and dislikes

I decided on the way to work today that I was going to do something fancy on Mondays. Instead of just writing whatever...I am going to name my likes and dislikes at the moment. Monday funday! I will probably piss people off or offend them because I am going to throw out some things that I am sure people I know do. Ask me if I give a care? The answer will always be no. I obviously don't want to hurt peoples feelings, but I am a honest and sometimes a brutally blunt person. Take it or leave it bitches.

LIKES
-Neil Young. He is just what I need on a hard day.
-Crockett. I love how he crawls in bed with me and puts his paw around me and spoons me.
-When Ryan rubs lotion on his ripped abs after showering
-The Batman coffee mug I bought Ryan. When I use it I feel super!
-Tanning. It makes me warm and happy.
-Finding old pictures of my ex husband and ripping them up and throwing them away. I'd wipe my butt with them but it wasn't dirty.
-Game of Thrones. It's an awesome addicting show and Drogo is HOT

DISLIKES
-Parents that name their kids the weirdest names or give their kids a typically normal name and spell it all fucked up and stupid. Examples of the first type: Apple, Bluebell, Moon, Corduroy, Pilot, Urijah

Apple is a effing fruit...not a person. Bluebell is a dog food or something. Moons belong in the sky not on the right corner of your kids report card. Corduroy is a fabric. Pilot is someone that flies a plane. And Urijah sounds like a disease, an infection, or a infectious disease.

If you want to name your offspring something simple like Maria. Don't get all artsy and spell it Mahreeah. That looks freaking stupid and it makes me want to have diahreeah. (yes, I know I spelled that wrong) Or here is an example of a boy. Let's say you like the name Braden for your bundle of joy. Do not for any reason spell it Braidyne. I will personally come to your house and kick your ass.

-Rap. Did all rappers fail grammar class? Or do they write their songs that way for the sake of rhyming? I don't care either way. Also, rappers are sluts. I don't like sluts.

-Dog hair all over my bedding, couch, and clothes. Molly sheds so much. It's so bad I want to follow her around with a lint roller and swipe it on anything she touches. I have to vacuum at least twice a day. Not joking. There needs to be a shampoo or some highly scientific elixir that I can put in to a shampoo to make her not shed. Crockett never sheds. Because I love Molly I will deal with it. But it blows snot chunks.

-Lesbians that act like they are hardcore with a capital "H". You are not a man. I am sure you wish you were a man, but that doesn't give you an excuse to act really hard and cool and too cool. You are 100 pounds and I could bench press you.

-Lastly, the stupid dirty bitch at my work who wipes her long snot rockets all over the inside walls of the bathroom stall, sticks her bloody pad wrapper on the wall or on the handle of the feminine products trash can, and splashes her explosive shit attacks all over the inside and outside of the toilet and leaves it there.

If any of you do any of the above dislikes...I suggest you stop them now.