I miss you my sweet Gabe

This picture is from Gabe's school Thanksgiving dinner. He was a rough and tumble cowboy who would only eat mashed potatoes and cool whip that night. I cherish the years I had with him. Gabriel is the most wonderful boy in the whole world. And now he is the most wonderful boy in Heaven. I understand that God wanted him back because who wouldn't want Gabe? What I don't understand is why he had to take him from me. I am his Mother. I carried him for 9 months, lived and breathed for him all his life. We were so happy. He had finally gotten his very own room. A sports room with his own flat screen TV that he could watch all his cartoons on. His own big boy bed.

Today is two years since he was taken from me. Those of you that are close to me may think time has made it easier for me. Honestly, time makes it harder. Every day that passes just is another blow to my reality that he is not coming back. Every morning I fight getting out of bed. I don't want to face the truth. I try my hardest because I love my son. I know he is watching down on me and I don't want to worry him or make him sad. Even now he is my life. He will always be on my mind and in my heart.

Let me tell you about his last night here. I worked that day and my Aunt Cami (he loved her soooo much and she loves him) was tending him. They were best buddies and I think she had taken him on a nice walk that day. When I picked him up he was so excited to see me. Nothing made me happier than seeing his face light up when he heard my voice. I picked him up and instantly my shoulder was covered in his drool. My favorite thing :) If you are a Mommy then you'll understand. It was seriously the nicest day so we drove home with the windows down. Gabriel loved this. I always had my rear view mirror pointed down in his direction so I could see what he was doing back there. He was smiling bigger than ever with his eyes closed and the wind blowing in his precious face.

When we got home I sat him in his highchair and put in Monsters Inc. I had to make dinner for me and Ryan. As I was boiling the noodles, Gabe started kind of fussing. So I went in there and that little stinker had pooped all over himself. Like all up his back. It was lovely. And then when he knew what he had done, and that I had to clean it up, he started giggling and thought it was the funniest thing ever. So I got him out of his stinky chair and laid him on the ground in front of his bathroom and ran a bath. I started getting him undressed and set his poopy diaper to the side. The noodles were bubbling over so I ran over to the stove to turn them down. Gabriel decided it would be oh so funny to kick his poopy diaper and get it all over his little feet. Just as he was doing that, Ryan walked in. Ryan and Gabe were always on each others side and they both thought it was hilarious to tease me. Ryan picked Gabe up and put him in the bath. He started laughing because he put Gabe in the bath with his socks on.

That night will forever be in my head. I will never forget any detail of it. I treasure it. My sweet Grammie gave me this poem and I have it hung in Gabes room. I thought I would share it with you.

Heaven's Very Special Child

A meeting was held quite far from Earth.
"It's time again for another birth", said the angels to the Lord above.
"This special child will need much love.
His progress may seem very slow
Accomplishments be may not show
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets way down there.
He may not run or laugh or play
His thoughts may seem quite far away
In many ways he won't adapt
And he'll be known as handicapped.
So let's be careful where he's sent
We want his life to be content
Please, Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you
They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love
And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for this gift from Heaven
Their precious charge so meek and mild
Is Heavens Special Child."