Happy Birthday to my sweet Gabe

Yesterday was Gabriels 9th birthday. I knew it would be a hard day for me, but I didn't realize how hard it would hit me until it came. I woke up yesterday morning at around 6 AM and just laid in bed thinking about that day. I thought about my angel and what we would have been doing if he was still here. I went out to my back porch and just started crying. Tears kept coming and coming and I couldn't stop them. I called into work and went back to bed until almost 1 PM. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to be awake and think about everything me and Ryan would have taken him to do on his birthday. Ryan woke me up and I decided to watch Beauty and the Beast. I am sure a lot of my close friends and family know that was his all time favorite movie. He could watch it over and over. In fact, I am doing a Festival of Trees Christmas tree for him again this year and it is in a Beauty and the Beast theme.

It might seem silly, but watching that movie made me feel closer to him. Like he was right there with me watching too. I thought about how happy it made him and how it always made him smile and giggle.

People who I know were just trying to cheer me up were telling me to try to be happy and know that he was happy in Heaven and celebrating his birthday up there. But nothing about yesterday was happy for me. I ache for my son. I wanted to get him up, eat breakfast, and take him to the zoo or swimming. I wanted to bake him an awesome chocolate cake and see him get it all over his face. I truly don't think I will ever forgive God for taking him from me. He is the most wonderful, beautiful, silly boy you would ever meet. Every morning is a struggle for me.

Last night Ryans soccer team came over and surprised us for Gabes birthday. They brought pizza and soda. One of the boys named Taylor brought me flowers and a whole thing of cookies. I love those boys. They really are awesome kids and are so caring. They all got to know Gabe and loved him. We went to a lot of their soccer games and cheered them on.

After that Ryan, me, and my family went to the cemetery to see Gabe. Ryan and I bought red and yellow balloons and some cupcakes. We all wrote a message on each of our balloons for Gabe, and when we were done we let them all go at the same time. We watched them until they disappeared. I lit a #9 candle for Gabes/my cupcake and we all made a wish for him. It was a good ending to a really hard day for me. I am so thankful for my husband and my family. I really don't know where I would be without them. I am very blessed to have them in my life.

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful boy in the entire world. I love you my sweet angel. Forever and ever and ever.