Boobies make me smile

I am the pervert lady down the street. I discovered this a few days ago.

It was later on at night maybe 8 or so and I had just gotten done gardening and then grocery shopping. I don't wear stilettos and a push up bra to garden in FYI. I wear shorts with stains and a shirt that says "Boobies make me smile".

Ryan bought me this shirt a few years ago as a joke and I love it.

This is what happened...and I feel horrible. Kinda.

So I had just gotten done doing the gardening and grocery store stuff. I heard a knock at the door. I answered it and this cute little boy, maybe 11 or so, was standing there. He asked me if I would be a pledge for his track meet. I could pledge $1 or more for every lap he ran. The whole time we were talking he had this goofy grin on his face. I just thought he was being a weird kid.

No.

I had a shirt on that said Boobies make me smile. Of course an 11 year old boy thought it was funny. I realized after I went back inside that I had the shirt on. I bet his parents won't let him come over anymore.

We share

The other night I am getting ready for bed. Isaiah is on a great sleeping schedule now. Sleeping 7-8 hours a night. So I am pretty much over my sleep deprivation. This time I am blaming Ryan and his sleep deprivation. Or maybe he is color blind. Either way...this is what went down.

As I was saying...I was getting ready for bed. Went into the bathroom to brush my pearly whites. And my toothbrush was wet. Why was it wet? I hadn't used it. Right? I thought about it to make sure I wasn't crazy. I decided I am not crazy. Here is my convo with Ryan.

Me: Babe did you use my toothbrush?
Ryan: No, I used mine.
Me: My toothbrush is wet.
Ryan: I dunno babe. I used my toothbrush.
So I grabbed my toothbrush and took it over to him.
Me: Did you use this one?
Ryan: Yes. That is mine.
Me: NO IT ISN'T!!!!!!!! This is mine! I told you 2 weeks ago that I got you a new one.
Ryan: Oops...
Me: So we have been using the same toothbrush for how long???????????

Then we laughed like a couple of idiots and I shrugged my shoulders and then I burned my toothbrush. No no no I am just kidding. I love Ryan and all his germs. But seriously. He is using HIS toothbrush now.

After pregnancy brain

So..2 months ago I had my wonderful bundle of joy Isaiah. I love him so much it makes my heart almost explode. How is it that I can stare at him all day and not get anything done and never get sick of it? Or smell and kiss his little toes every single time I change him? I love watching him sleep and smelling his breath. I have aready taken a gazillion pictures of him. He is simply wonderful. Perfect. Being a Mom is the best thing I can think of. It makes me in a dream like state 24-7. Life is awesome.

The sleep deprivation IS worth it. So is my fat ass.

My Mom told me to write down the things I do on a daily basis from being so damn tired. So here we go:
1) Got fully naked to shower...or so I thought. NOPE, just kidding. I still had my undies on. Somehow I didn't realize I still had the huge granny panties on that you have to wear. Ew. I can't believe I admitted I wore granny panties. I have no shame.

2) Looked all over my room for the remote....picked up said remote...put it back down...continued to look for the remote.

3) Put my panties on inside out.

4) Stubbed my toes on anything and everything from walking around like a walker from Walking Dead. Can you die and come back to life from sleep deprivation?

5) Feeding Isaiah...put bottle down to burp him...pick up bottle to feed him again..put bottle to his mouth...realize it's the remote.

6) Laugh hysterically for no reason then can't stop. Keep laughing for no reason all alone.

7) Isaiah spits up on me all over my neck, shoulder, and hair. Tell myself I will clean it up when I am done feeding him. Forget. Walk around the rest of the day with crispy vomit hair.

8) Isaiah wakes up in the middle of the night to eat. I get up, get a bottle, open the formula which has a scoop inside it. Go to the drawer, get a spoon, start filling his bottle with the spoon instead of the scoop. Realize I am a dumbass. 

Isaiah laughed for the first time today. It makes everything worth it. I would do this all over again. I love him so much that I just cry sometimes. I get so overwhelmed with happiness and love. You cannot explain the love you have for a child to someone else unless they have one of their own. Someone without kids just wouldn't understand.

Here is a picture of me and Isaiah. My Bubba Gump.

Do the impossible

Things I have realized are impossible or nearly impossible while knocked up:

1) Shaving my vagina
2) Shaving my legs especially when its around the ankle area
3) Putting on shoes and socks
4) Finding a bra that fits my huge watermelon sized boobs
5) Passing Oreos at the grocery store and not buying them
6) Not opening said Oreos before I get home from the store
7) Crying over totally realistic reasonable things
8) Missionary sex
9) Seeing a skinny girl in beautiful shape and not wanting to run her over with my car
10) Getting more than 4 hours of sleep per night
11) Staying awake at my desk at work
12) Making rational decisions
13) Getting hit on
14) Looking not like a beached whale during a heat wave
15) Doing your makeup and getting all pretty for the day
16) Caring about other peoples life problems
17) To not eat a delicious smelling candle
18) Painting my toe nails
19) Clipping my toe nails
20) Picking things up off of the floor

My best friend Shelby

My little sister Shelby got married to a marine named Matt. They are moving to California today. This will be the 1st time in almost 20 years we have ever been apart. She is the best sister in the whole world and my best friend. We do everything together. It isn't out of the ordinary to have her at my house 4-5 times a week just hanging out. She has always been there for me. To go shopping, a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter for Gabe, a workout buddy, a coffee break friend, someone to laugh until we pee our pants. We literally do everything together.

Last night we had to say our goodbyes and I think I held it together pretty well until she shut the door behind her. I lost it. I love her so much and my heart aches. She is going to be 12 long hours away. I never thought we would be so far apart.

I am happy she is in love and found the person that she wants to spend her life with. It just sucks they have to move to California.

I am going to get Skype and a fancy phone too. Then we can talk everyday and I can see her bright shining face :)

I know this will be a fun experience for her. She gets to live in sunny California and explore and enjoy all new things. I am just going to miss her like crazy.

I LOVE YOU SISTER