Do the impossible

Things I have realized are impossible or nearly impossible while knocked up:

1) Shaving my vagina
2) Shaving my legs especially when its around the ankle area
3) Putting on shoes and socks
4) Finding a bra that fits my huge watermelon sized boobs
5) Passing Oreos at the grocery store and not buying them
6) Not opening said Oreos before I get home from the store
7) Crying over totally realistic reasonable things
8) Missionary sex
9) Seeing a skinny girl in beautiful shape and not wanting to run her over with my car
10) Getting more than 4 hours of sleep per night
11) Staying awake at my desk at work
12) Making rational decisions
13) Getting hit on
14) Looking not like a beached whale during a heat wave
15) Doing your makeup and getting all pretty for the day
16) Caring about other peoples life problems
17) To not eat a delicious smelling candle
18) Painting my toe nails
19) Clipping my toe nails
20) Picking things up off of the floor

My best friend Shelby

My little sister Shelby got married to a marine named Matt. They are moving to California today. This will be the 1st time in almost 20 years we have ever been apart. She is the best sister in the whole world and my best friend. We do everything together. It isn't out of the ordinary to have her at my house 4-5 times a week just hanging out. She has always been there for me. To go shopping, a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter for Gabe, a workout buddy, a coffee break friend, someone to laugh until we pee our pants. We literally do everything together.

Last night we had to say our goodbyes and I think I held it together pretty well until she shut the door behind her. I lost it. I love her so much and my heart aches. She is going to be 12 long hours away. I never thought we would be so far apart.

I am happy she is in love and found the person that she wants to spend her life with. It just sucks they have to move to California.

I am going to get Skype and a fancy phone too. Then we can talk everyday and I can see her bright shining face :)

I know this will be a fun experience for her. She gets to live in sunny California and explore and enjoy all new things. I am just going to miss her like crazy.

I LOVE YOU SISTER

Pregnancy is not becoming of me

I have turned into a lunatic. Well, more than normal. So that's pretty bad....ask my husband. I think I have officially scared him. I am nuts. I can't help it. I have these raging psychotic pregnancy hormones that take control of me and I am just their puppet. They like making me look like a stark raving mad woman with mascara all over her face. 

Examples: 

1) Over Fathers Day weekend there was an Oreo commercial about a little boy waking his Dad up at midnight to enjoy some Fathers Day Oreos. I bawled my effing eyes out. And then proceeded to purchase Oreos the next day. 

2) A few weeks ago I was a stage 365465434357 psycho. I think I had an out of body experience and was watching myself in horror. I got out of the shower and for no reason at all decided to freak out in crying fits and tell my husband I am sorry for ruining his life. I was sobbing and sobbing and the look on his face got more horrified and confused by the second. Then as I was crying I was looking for jammies to put on. I am standing there in my towel and tell him I can't find any clean jammies that fit me. Then, just when you would think it couldn't get worse...my towel dropped to the ground and I fell on the floor and had a melt down like a 2 year old. Ryan patted my shoulder timidly and said "Baby, I don't really know what to do...you are scaring me a little". 

3) Last night after working 8 hours then going to the gym and working out for an hour...I went home and had a relaxing shower. I was all ready to make a delicious dinner my family likes to call Goolash. (I think I actually posted the recipe on here awhile back) and realized I was missing a can of green beans. I asked a friend across the street, but she didn't have any. I asked my sister, but she was busy. I then called my husband who was coaching soccer practice and asked him to bring some home after work. But he wasn't going to be home for 2 hours and I was starving. He said "Babe, why did you call and ask me to bring some home when you need it now and I won't be home until around 8?" I said never mind forget I called I will figure it out. I tried really hard to conceal my frustration and tears. As soon as I got off the phone with him I cried like a little bitch for about 5 minutes until I realized I had no choice, but to go to the store. Then I cried that I had to go to the store. Then I cried because I realized I am fucking crazy. 

Please please let this be over soon. I swear to God if this becomes permanent, I will lose my husband, my friends, and my job. I am like a ticking time bomb where people are afraid to come close because they might catch my crazy virus. I was never this bad with my 1st pregnancy. I am not a mean hormonal pregnant lady. Just one that will cry at the drop of a hat. For no apparent reason. BE PREPARED....you may witness this. If you do...either back away slowly or give me a cookie.

Beauty & the Beast is fucked up

For a present this year I received the Beauty & the Beast soundtrack. My son Gabriel LOVED this movie. I can't even count how many times he watched it. I also love this movie. BUT as I have been listening to the soundtrack over and over...I realized some pretty disturbing shit.

Ok so you know how the Beast answered the door before he was the Beast and it was a "beautiful enchantress" disguised as an old ugly beggar woman? And she asked him for shelter and he turned her away..so then she turned him into the Beast and cursed everyone in the castle as well?

The rose was going to bloom until his "21st year" then by that time if he couldn't love someone and earn her love in return..he and everyone in the castle would be cursed forever. 

WELL.....

In the song "Be Our Guest" Lumierre says "10 years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting"

THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT...

If he was 21 when he and Belle fell in love and he has been that way for 10 fucking years...that means he was ELEVEN when he was turned into the Beast.

There are so many things wrong about this..I can't wrap my head around it.

1) Why in the hell is a "prince" answering the door to the castle? Don't they have a butler or servant for that? 

2) Why did the Enchantress come there in the first place? Just to fuck with the rich people there? If she was an enchantress and had the power to curse an entire castle for 10 years..I think she could conjure up a tent and a fire at least.

3) WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THIS KIDS PARENTS? They didn't get cursed and it never mentions them.

4) Why in God's name would this evil psycho PMSing bitch of a witch pick on a little 11 year old kid and turn him into a beast? HE WAS 11 for crying out loud! All 11 year olds are assholes. Especially to ugly people.

5) Why did this stupid crazy whore Enchantress think she needed to teach the prince a lesson? Shouldn't that be his parents job?

6) These writers are idiots. It makes no sense. Obviously a little kid wouldn't catch on to this fucked up story line, but I am sure I am not the only adult that likes this movie. 

Please tell me I am not a crazy person for getting all worked up over a Disney movie. 

10 thingies

I haven't blogged regularly like I normally do. It's been a few months. Mostly because I am lazy. See...Ryan put a baby in me and I am so so tired all the time. But, today I feel bloggy so I will post somethin. 

1) I bought an Ahh Bra. If you don't know what it is..you can get them at Walmart. It's pretty comfy. Not the best support. But it's comfy and being knocked up...comfort is a necessity.  Don't make fun. My friends husband bought her one and she swears it is so comfortable...so I decided while I was in the line at Walmart that I'd get this "as seen on tv" bra.

2) I don't like any pickles but Nalley. They are soo good and the juice is yummy. This is NOT just a pregnant thing. I have always been this weird.

3) My ass is growing. I didn't think it was possible that it could get any bigger, but it is. I feel like I need lypo in my ass and legs. This pregnancy hates me.

4) I find out what I am having tmrw. I am hoping for a boy. Everyone thinks its a girl. Girls get pregnant at 16..I don't want a girl. I have had dreams it is a boy...so I am hoping they were visions and not just dreams. Boys break their arms or get into fist fights at 16..I can handle that.

5) My sweet Gabe turned 10 on August 8th. It was a hard day. I forced myself to come to work. Later that night it was nice though. I bought chocolate cupcakes from Sweet Tooth Fairy. My family and I went to the cemetery and wrote on balloons and let them all go on the count of 10. I hope he got all our messages. We sat and told funny stories about him. It ended up being a good night.

6) I am doing kegels right now

7) Now you are thinking about my vagina

8) Now you are doing kegels

9) I like the name Solomon for a boy and I haven't heard another name I like more. But I am still not convinced that is the right name. I need it to be perfect. Maybe the baby will be called baby for awhile.

10) Pray to God along with me that I will not get stretch marks.