Eat your dog food!

My dogs are a blessing to me. I love them both so much. They are always happy to see me and are always willing to cuddle and play. And they are the best cuddlers :) But I have laid to rest many things since I have had my dogs. Let's take a look back and remember all the murdered and assaulted possessions of mine that suffered at the hands paws of Molly and Crockett.

-Socks. Multiple socks. Like I bet I could make a quilt to cover a giant with all the socks that they destroyed together. 

-Money. Cash and checks. Wtf? Who eats money? Don't they realize that the $20 they just ate could have bought them 2 bags of pig ears?

-Furniture. Kitchen chairs and table, two couches...(none of the arms were safe), patio furniture, swimming pool

-Photo albums. Thank God Crockett didn't get to the pictures inside and just the covers. Because I seriously kicked his ass and if he destroyed the pictures of Gabe...he would have been a dead dog.

-Underwear. Mostly mine. RIP panties with crotch eaten out

-Remotes

-Cell phone. $300 cell phone might I add.

-Multiple flip flops

-Slippers. This year alone I have had to say good bye to 4 pairs.

-$250 prescription eye glasses. I went ape shit on Crockett and in the middle of Winter in the snow I ran outside and walked around the neighborhood in gym shorts and a t shirt until I was positive he was more important than the glasses.

-Stuffed animals. Specifically Gabe's stuffed animals. Two of his monkeys are now blind.

-Rugs. 3 rugs to be exact.

-Pillows. I would say 5 pillows at least.

-Back porch. We do not have beavers living with us that are eating the wood and storing it for their dam. We have two dogs that apparently have a weird ass craving for wood sometimes.

-Bark. Decorative bark for flowers beds...we have since changed to decorative rock in the backyard flower beds.

-Chain link fence. When Crockett was a puppy he chewed his way out of his dog run.

-Blankets

-Toilet paper. Molly prefers to take the end of it and then carry it around the house with her. So then I walk in and there is a long stream of TP going from room to room and leading right into the belly of the beast.

-Book and journal

-Shoes and shoe laces

-Dog house

-Tree

-Mouse

-Pine cones. I told you about my decorative pine cones. They are all gone. They left behind a very lonely basket.

I don't even know the dollar amount of everything they have ruined. But I do know although they have made me and Ryan crazed lunatic bat shit angry...I can't picture my life without them. I love them so so much and I am thankful for them every day.

Monday likes and dislikes 9

Hello readers. I had a pretty fun weekend. Honestly though I could do without the heat. I felt like a fat beached whale or a fat beached seal sun bathing on seal island. I hate the heat. I am not Summers biggest fan. I like cooler temps like Spring and Fall. Plus Crockett is miserable in the Summer. It breaks my lil ole heart.

Likes
- My Dad called me Saturday and asked me if I wanted to go see the new Fright Night. Do you have to even ask? Of course I wanted to see it! I was practically peeing my pants when I saw the preview. I am obsessed with vampire anything. And guess what movie started it for me way back in the day when I was an ugly little child with snaggle teeth? Fright Night. I think the original came out in 1985. You need to see the first one. I don't recommend renting it. You need to buy it. Because you will want to watch it 321035406540 times. THEN after you watch that...go to the movies and buy 212403463464 tickets because you will want to watch the new one over and over too. PLUS Collin Farrell plays the vampire and I want him to bite me in naughty places.

Original Fright Night

New Fright Night

-Starting boot camp today. I am so excited. I can't wait to lose weight and actually feel sexy and confident again. When I am feeling that way again you will know. And how will  you know? I will strut the streets of Utah butt ass naked...that's how!

-Cookies. Specifically my cookies. I am not referring to something derogatory people. I mean chocolate chip cookies that I bake in the oven. They are the most amazing thing ever. I made some last night and I want to eat them every single day of my life.

Dislikes
-Lady Gaga. She bugs the ever living shit out of me. "ohhh look at me! I like to wear weird clothes and not wear a bra even though my tits are way saggy."

-People that refuse to listen. They are asking questions, but won't shut up long enough to let me answer. Then when I answer them...that isn't the answer they wanted. You know what? Eff you buddy! Eff you!

I came, I shopped, I conquered

I have mentioned on here that I have gained some weight. Therefor I need bigger clothes. Therefor I have an excuse to spend money. I like new things. I like new clothes. I don't like spending money. I am a cheap ass bargain hunting thrifting whore bag. I would like to share with you what I discovered. One of my favorite websites to shop is called www.alloy.com and they seriously have the cutest clothes, shoes, and accessories. Right now they are doing this huge clearance sale and its up to 80% off bitches. Here is what I bought saved on.

This shirt is meowtastic and it regularly is $24.90. I got it for $9.99

This awesome Navy shirt was regularly $26.90 and I got it for $14.99

This jacket was $39.90 and I purchased it for $14.99 NIIIICE

This awesome shirt was regularly $22.90 and I picked it up for a cool $9.99

So you are welcome for telling you about this cool website and this cool sale. Don't be afraid to buy me something. And FYI the shirts run a little small so I suggest one size bigger.

Monday likes and dislikes 8

Today has been a testing day. Testing of my patience. I hate Mondays and I hate mornings...so Monday mornings are a double shot of bull shit. I will try to look past the doom and gloom and give you a few likes along with a lot of major dislikes.

Likes
- Sundays swimming with my family. I wish I took pictures of yesterday because it was a blast. But at the same time if I took pictures of yesterday you would have to see me in a swimming suit and you would absolutely throw up all over your computer.

- Willow. That movie is so old, but I love its guts. And guess what? Val Kilmer is freaking hot as hell back in the day. Madmartigan! Madmartigan!

- Smart Cookie. They make the most delicious sugar cookies that have ever entered my mouth. My good friend Natalie loves me sooooo much and bought me one today.

Dislikes
- Not looking hot in a bikini anymore. Trust me, I am working on it. And I came to a conclusion. I hate working out and dieting. When will having a muffin top be sexy?

-Smart Cookie. First of all they totally screwed Natalie over and charged her $3 per cookie and wouldn't give her the money back. And to add insult to injury...the cookies are NOT calorie free. I swear God will never answer my prayers to make every single cookie in the world fat free and calorie free.

-Kim Kardashion. She bugs me.

-Women who turn into total bitches on the phone. They think they are so brave and tough. I want to slap their Mother.

Bear Lake 2011

A few weeks ago Ryan and I took the dogs and went to Bear Lake. It was really fun to get away and just be one with nature hahaha I am silly.


This is Ryan in the lake the 1st day. It was soooo full. You see that bush? Its a tree.




Molly was scared of the waves. She kept barking at them. Oh, and that is Crockett in the background taking a duker.



My Crockett shaking what his Momma gave him

Is that Shamu? Yes, yes it is.



The girls posing and Crockett being too cool



Crockett would swim out to Ryan and take sticks from him





I love this one. I wanna blow it up and frame it



I was attacked! Crockett would swim right up to you and be kicking his legs to his hearts content and he scratched the shit out of my ass

 So that was the first day there. Later that night my brother Cody and his girlfriend Diana aka Dana came down. Me and Dana decided to play catch. And I looked like a pro.





Blue steel

I wasn't going to post this picture. But you all need to realize that sometimes I am not perfect.

I was channeling Tom Brady

I think Dana purposely threw the football at my foot. And no, I don't look like this when I am having an orgasm

And then she threw it at my fat gut. She is very abusive.

Molly being a sleepy girl

Handsome Crockett posing for a picture and hoping Uncle Cody will share his sammich

Cody and Crockett watching me and Dana be ballers

Molly trying to get Ryans attention



Buddies



Handsome Ryan making our fire

It was a really fun trip. We got rained on the last night there while we were getting to bed and it was awesome. I could totally do that every night. Molly and Crockett had a blast and were so worn out the whole next week. There were only two bad things the whole trip.
1) Two ugly ass pomeranians in the camp site next to us. They would not shut the eff up. If it weren't for the witnesses I would have thrown them in the lake.
2) The stupid ass fat whiny kid in the camp next to us. Everything she did was annoying. It would be midnight and she would be in the tent crying her eyes out bitching about absolutely nothing. I wanted to shove a box of Twinkies in her mouth to shut her up. It would have kept her busy for at least 15 minutes.

We stayed at the KOA campground and there were really nice bathrooms and lots of trees for shade. But, I will never stay there again. There is no privacy. They pack campers in there like sardines. I like campgrounds where your individual site is more secluded. I couldn't even have the sex. I was too worried it would disturb fat kid and the pomeranians.