After pregnancy brain

So..2 months ago I had my wonderful bundle of joy Isaiah. I love him so much it makes my heart almost explode. How is it that I can stare at him all day and not get anything done and never get sick of it? Or smell and kiss his little toes every single time I change him? I love watching him sleep and smelling his breath. I have aready taken a gazillion pictures of him. He is simply wonderful. Perfect. Being a Mom is the best thing I can think of. It makes me in a dream like state 24-7. Life is awesome.

The sleep deprivation IS worth it. So is my fat ass.

My Mom told me to write down the things I do on a daily basis from being so damn tired. So here we go:
1) Got fully naked to shower...or so I thought. NOPE, just kidding. I still had my undies on. Somehow I didn't realize I still had the huge granny panties on that you have to wear. Ew. I can't believe I admitted I wore granny panties. I have no shame.

2) Looked all over my room for the remote....picked up said remote...put it back down...continued to look for the remote.

3) Put my panties on inside out.

4) Stubbed my toes on anything and everything from walking around like a walker from Walking Dead. Can you die and come back to life from sleep deprivation?

5) Feeding Isaiah...put bottle down to burp him...pick up bottle to feed him again..put bottle to his mouth...realize it's the remote.

6) Laugh hysterically for no reason then can't stop. Keep laughing for no reason all alone.

7) Isaiah spits up on me all over my neck, shoulder, and hair. Tell myself I will clean it up when I am done feeding him. Forget. Walk around the rest of the day with crispy vomit hair.

8) Isaiah wakes up in the middle of the night to eat. I get up, get a bottle, open the formula which has a scoop inside it. Go to the drawer, get a spoon, start filling his bottle with the spoon instead of the scoop. Realize I am a dumbass. 

Isaiah laughed for the first time today. It makes everything worth it. I would do this all over again. I love him so much that I just cry sometimes. I get so overwhelmed with happiness and love. You cannot explain the love you have for a child to someone else unless they have one of their own. Someone without kids just wouldn't understand.

Here is a picture of me and Isaiah. My Bubba Gump.

Do the impossible

Things I have realized are impossible or nearly impossible while knocked up:

1) Shaving my vagina
2) Shaving my legs especially when its around the ankle area
3) Putting on shoes and socks
4) Finding a bra that fits my huge watermelon sized boobs
5) Passing Oreos at the grocery store and not buying them
6) Not opening said Oreos before I get home from the store
7) Crying over totally realistic reasonable things
8) Missionary sex
9) Seeing a skinny girl in beautiful shape and not wanting to run her over with my car
10) Getting more than 4 hours of sleep per night
11) Staying awake at my desk at work
12) Making rational decisions
13) Getting hit on
14) Looking not like a beached whale during a heat wave
15) Doing your makeup and getting all pretty for the day
16) Caring about other peoples life problems
17) To not eat a delicious smelling candle
18) Painting my toe nails
19) Clipping my toe nails
20) Picking things up off of the floor

My best friend Shelby

My little sister Shelby got married to a marine named Matt. They are moving to California today. This will be the 1st time in almost 20 years we have ever been apart. She is the best sister in the whole world and my best friend. We do everything together. It isn't out of the ordinary to have her at my house 4-5 times a week just hanging out. She has always been there for me. To go shopping, a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter for Gabe, a workout buddy, a coffee break friend, someone to laugh until we pee our pants. We literally do everything together.

Last night we had to say our goodbyes and I think I held it together pretty well until she shut the door behind her. I lost it. I love her so much and my heart aches. She is going to be 12 long hours away. I never thought we would be so far apart.

I am happy she is in love and found the person that she wants to spend her life with. It just sucks they have to move to California.

I am going to get Skype and a fancy phone too. Then we can talk everyday and I can see her bright shining face :)

I know this will be a fun experience for her. She gets to live in sunny California and explore and enjoy all new things. I am just going to miss her like crazy.

I LOVE YOU SISTER

Pregnancy is not becoming of me

I have turned into a lunatic. Well, more than normal. So that's pretty bad....ask my husband. I think I have officially scared him. I am nuts. I can't help it. I have these raging psychotic pregnancy hormones that take control of me and I am just their puppet. They like making me look like a stark raving mad woman with mascara all over her face. 

Examples: 

1) Over Fathers Day weekend there was an Oreo commercial about a little boy waking his Dad up at midnight to enjoy some Fathers Day Oreos. I bawled my effing eyes out. And then proceeded to purchase Oreos the next day. 

2) A few weeks ago I was a stage 365465434357 psycho. I think I had an out of body experience and was watching myself in horror. I got out of the shower and for no reason at all decided to freak out in crying fits and tell my husband I am sorry for ruining his life. I was sobbing and sobbing and the look on his face got more horrified and confused by the second. Then as I was crying I was looking for jammies to put on. I am standing there in my towel and tell him I can't find any clean jammies that fit me. Then, just when you would think it couldn't get worse...my towel dropped to the ground and I fell on the floor and had a melt down like a 2 year old. Ryan patted my shoulder timidly and said "Baby, I don't really know what to do...you are scaring me a little". 

3) Last night after working 8 hours then going to the gym and working out for an hour...I went home and had a relaxing shower. I was all ready to make a delicious dinner my family likes to call Goolash. (I think I actually posted the recipe on here awhile back) and realized I was missing a can of green beans. I asked a friend across the street, but she didn't have any. I asked my sister, but she was busy. I then called my husband who was coaching soccer practice and asked him to bring some home after work. But he wasn't going to be home for 2 hours and I was starving. He said "Babe, why did you call and ask me to bring some home when you need it now and I won't be home until around 8?" I said never mind forget I called I will figure it out. I tried really hard to conceal my frustration and tears. As soon as I got off the phone with him I cried like a little bitch for about 5 minutes until I realized I had no choice, but to go to the store. Then I cried that I had to go to the store. Then I cried because I realized I am fucking crazy. 

Please please let this be over soon. I swear to God if this becomes permanent, I will lose my husband, my friends, and my job. I am like a ticking time bomb where people are afraid to come close because they might catch my crazy virus. I was never this bad with my 1st pregnancy. I am not a mean hormonal pregnant lady. Just one that will cry at the drop of a hat. For no apparent reason. BE PREPARED....you may witness this. If you do...either back away slowly or give me a cookie.

Beauty & the Beast is fucked up

For a present this year I received the Beauty & the Beast soundtrack. My son Gabriel LOVED this movie. I can't even count how many times he watched it. I also love this movie. BUT as I have been listening to the soundtrack over and over...I realized some pretty disturbing shit.

Ok so you know how the Beast answered the door before he was the Beast and it was a "beautiful enchantress" disguised as an old ugly beggar woman? And she asked him for shelter and he turned her away..so then she turned him into the Beast and cursed everyone in the castle as well?

The rose was going to bloom until his "21st year" then by that time if he couldn't love someone and earn her love in return..he and everyone in the castle would be cursed forever. 

WELL.....

In the song "Be Our Guest" Lumierre says "10 years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting"

THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT...

If he was 21 when he and Belle fell in love and he has been that way for 10 fucking years...that means he was ELEVEN when he was turned into the Beast.

There are so many things wrong about this..I can't wrap my head around it.

1) Why in the hell is a "prince" answering the door to the castle? Don't they have a butler or servant for that? 

2) Why did the Enchantress come there in the first place? Just to fuck with the rich people there? If she was an enchantress and had the power to curse an entire castle for 10 years..I think she could conjure up a tent and a fire at least.

3) WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THIS KIDS PARENTS? They didn't get cursed and it never mentions them.

4) Why in God's name would this evil psycho PMSing bitch of a witch pick on a little 11 year old kid and turn him into a beast? HE WAS 11 for crying out loud! All 11 year olds are assholes. Especially to ugly people.

5) Why did this stupid crazy whore Enchantress think she needed to teach the prince a lesson? Shouldn't that be his parents job?

6) These writers are idiots. It makes no sense. Obviously a little kid wouldn't catch on to this fucked up story line, but I am sure I am not the only adult that likes this movie. 

Please tell me I am not a crazy person for getting all worked up over a Disney movie.