I am an immature idiot. Everyone that is lucky enough to know me gets to see that on a daily basis. 2 nights ago I got a text from a number I didn't know. I don't get why this happens because I've had the same number for like 7 years. Anyways...here is how it played out:
Him: Hey What's up
Me: Who is this?
Him: Josh
Me: I don't know a Josh
Him: Is this not Megan?
Me: Yes it is, but my husband found out about us
Him: What?
Me: I'm so sorry you had to find out this way...
Him: Found out what about us?
Me: That I am in love with you
Him: Wait, who is this really?
Me: Hello? Are you not hearing me? I love you. It's Megan.
Him: Send a pic
So at this point...I had a few choices. I decided to go with the most awesome one. My friend who is a very manly buff man...put on my bra and some tiny tiny shorts, put his finger in his mouth, and looked as sexy as possible for the picture of Megan I was sending to my new friend.
He then texted back: haha real funny
Me: What? You don't love me back? That's so rude to lead me on.
My new friend would not respond after that. I thought it was pretty rude.
My Life
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Thou shalt not scam
You hear of scammers all the time. Today at work I had more than one call with people having their credit cards stolen and needing to change their information with us.
People are dishonest assholes. And also people are just assholes. I am an asshole, but a smart one.
This stupid guy tried to scam me today. I guess you would have to be really stupid to fall for this shit.
I am selling my wedding dress online and I get a text that asks if I still have my dress, and if so, what condition is it in.
I said yes I do. It is in almost perfect condition.
Asshole says this: Ok that's great. and sorry for my late response. This is Steven Landsbury. I will offer you $80 for shipping and handling and $200 for the dress. And am paying you via Pay Pal Payment. I am located in Riverton, Utah, but I am currently out of state on an Official Assignment to California. I am purchasing it for my daughter as a wedding gift who lives in Houston, TX.
Me: Sorry, cash only.
Asshole: OMG!!! Ohhh...I understand how you feel. I promise if you can help me I will pay for the shipping including the item fees and any order charges and that is why I said we should use Pay Pal for the Payment cuz it's easier, faster, safer, and secure for both the sellers. And buyers online fastest way to pay and 100% fraud free for more info log on to www.paypal.com. Please I am really interested in this.
Me: Sorry, cash only.
Asshole: Nothing.
What do you think? Am I paranoid? Did I just lose $200?
People are dishonest assholes. And also people are just assholes. I am an asshole, but a smart one.
This stupid guy tried to scam me today. I guess you would have to be really stupid to fall for this shit.
I am selling my wedding dress online and I get a text that asks if I still have my dress, and if so, what condition is it in.
I said yes I do. It is in almost perfect condition.
Asshole says this: Ok that's great. and sorry for my late response. This is Steven Landsbury. I will offer you $80 for shipping and handling and $200 for the dress. And am paying you via Pay Pal Payment. I am located in Riverton, Utah, but I am currently out of state on an Official Assignment to California. I am purchasing it for my daughter as a wedding gift who lives in Houston, TX.
Me: Sorry, cash only.
Asshole: OMG!!! Ohhh...I understand how you feel. I promise if you can help me I will pay for the shipping including the item fees and any order charges and that is why I said we should use Pay Pal for the Payment cuz it's easier, faster, safer, and secure for both the sellers. And buyers online fastest way to pay and 100% fraud free for more info log on to www.paypal.com. Please I am really interested in this.
Me: Sorry, cash only.
Asshole: Nothing.
What do you think? Am I paranoid? Did I just lose $200?
Friday, July 26, 2013
I am tired plus I am stupid
I was tired today. And I am normally pretty stupid. Put those together and you get a great blog post.
My work has a door that you have to have a key fob to get into it. Therefor, I have to take my keys into the potty with me so I can get back in. I had to pee. I went to the bathroom and because I am Heather, I hit the UNLOCK button on my car keys and then proceeded to open the bathroom stall door.
DO. NOT. ASK. ME.
I have no answers for my stupidity.
My work has a door that you have to have a key fob to get into it. Therefor, I have to take my keys into the potty with me so I can get back in. I had to pee. I went to the bathroom and because I am Heather, I hit the UNLOCK button on my car keys and then proceeded to open the bathroom stall door.
DO. NOT. ASK. ME.
I have no answers for my stupidity.
Friday, July 19, 2013
If you don't like poop stories..you are dumb
I am a dirty bitch. I really am. I like poop and farts. They are funny. My Dad would be appalled and say he didn't raise me that way. He would say I am crude. And I am.
Ryan and I went to his family reunion a little over a week ago. It was a 14 hour drive. I hate road trips. Not to mention we had our 6 month old with us. He did better on the drive than I did. I would get out every hour and spend an hour wandering around if I could.
After I had Isaiah I was bound and determined to lose all the baby weight plus some more. I have been eating really clean. I have actually lost 41 pounds toot toot. (tooting my own horn) As you know, on a road trip there aren't a lot of healthy food options and I ate one too many Subway sandwiches. We stopped at a KFC. For some reason it sounded healthier than a burger joint. I ordered some chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw. BAD IDEA.
Not soon after we left I wasn't feeling too hot. That goes along with eating like shit though. Well after awhile I started feeling some percolating going on. I felt some rumblings. It was happening. I had to shit. And of course we were in the middle of fucking no where. I thought I could hold it. But, it was getting worse and worse. I got to the point where I was like "Ryan pull over." He said there was no where to pull over. I didn't give a shit if people saw what was going to happen. I said "Ryan it hurts!" He said he would stop at the next place he could see. I said "Ryan I am getting the fucking sweats!" And I was. I was sweating. It was horrible. I felt like I was going to give birth to Satan's spawn out of my butt.
I was praying. I am not sure if it was out loud or not. I was too busy trying not to shit all over my car. There is a God. I am telling you right now there is a God. He put a Mexican restaurant in the middle of no where. We stopped at that angelic restaurant and I ran as fast as I could while squeezing my butt cheeks together. I had made it. It was glorious.
I can't go into detail on here everything else that happened. But it was horrible. As I had discovered before, there is a God. But, he hates me. He laughed at me that day I think. And I am pretty sure when I walked out of that place all the workers called me a "perra sucia".
KFC is the devil. And so are road trips.
Ryan and I went to his family reunion a little over a week ago. It was a 14 hour drive. I hate road trips. Not to mention we had our 6 month old with us. He did better on the drive than I did. I would get out every hour and spend an hour wandering around if I could.
After I had Isaiah I was bound and determined to lose all the baby weight plus some more. I have been eating really clean. I have actually lost 41 pounds toot toot. (tooting my own horn) As you know, on a road trip there aren't a lot of healthy food options and I ate one too many Subway sandwiches. We stopped at a KFC. For some reason it sounded healthier than a burger joint. I ordered some chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw. BAD IDEA.
Not soon after we left I wasn't feeling too hot. That goes along with eating like shit though. Well after awhile I started feeling some percolating going on. I felt some rumblings. It was happening. I had to shit. And of course we were in the middle of fucking no where. I thought I could hold it. But, it was getting worse and worse. I got to the point where I was like "Ryan pull over." He said there was no where to pull over. I didn't give a shit if people saw what was going to happen. I said "Ryan it hurts!" He said he would stop at the next place he could see. I said "Ryan I am getting the fucking sweats!" And I was. I was sweating. It was horrible. I felt like I was going to give birth to Satan's spawn out of my butt.
I was praying. I am not sure if it was out loud or not. I was too busy trying not to shit all over my car. There is a God. I am telling you right now there is a God. He put a Mexican restaurant in the middle of no where. We stopped at that angelic restaurant and I ran as fast as I could while squeezing my butt cheeks together. I had made it. It was glorious.
I can't go into detail on here everything else that happened. But it was horrible. As I had discovered before, there is a God. But, he hates me. He laughed at me that day I think. And I am pretty sure when I walked out of that place all the workers called me a "perra sucia".
KFC is the devil. And so are road trips.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Cracked out crack head
I needed some Spanx. I am a curvy girl. I need me some Spanx. So I went shopping on my break for some. When I got back to my work I got out of my car and a guy passes me. He says "Don't worry. I have stupid fucking tattoos too." I whip my head around in shock and say "Excuse me?" Crack head says to me "You heard me. I have stupid pointless fucking tattoos too." I was seriously so caught off guard. I said "First of all, my tattoos aren't stupid and most definitely aren't pointless. And I didn't ask your opinion." Then he starts screaming ''YOUR TATTOOS ARE IRRELEVANT!!!" I just couldn't believe this was happening. Is this real life? I basically just told him to go to hell and I walked inside my work building. I wanted to knock him the eff out. Lucky for him I was wearing a short dress and 5 inch heels. Bastard.
It gets better.
So I am sitting at my desk stewing over this asshole. After freaking out on me, he walked to the Walmart right by my work. I watched out my work window for him to see if he came back this way. Maybe he worked in my building. I was planning on getting him in trouble with his boss or something.
He did come back and his car was parked right in front of the building outside my window. He sat in there for about 10 minutes and then got out. He proceeded to open his front door and close it then open his back door and close it over and over. My co-workers and I were like "what in the hell is he doing?" He was definitely on something. Then he pulls out a bag and puts it on his trunk. The bag falls and some salads fall out. We watched him scoop the salad back in the container and put the lid back on and put it all back in the bag. Then he pulls out another bag from his car and we realize as he is walking towards the building that it is our office lunch order for our meeting!!!!!
I think about it for a minute...I got back from my break at 11:45 am when he freaked out on me. Then he got back from Walmart and didn't bring the food inside until around 12:20. So our food had been sitting in over 90 degree weather for like 40 minutes. Not to mention he spilled it on the ground and scooped up the food that fell and put it back.
I got my manager and he got the girl who placed the order. We called the owner of the restaurant. I told him everything that happened from the crazy rant he made to me and then leaving the food in his hot car forever and then dropping it on the ground. We got a whole new order and he got fired :)
It gets better.
I was outside that day at work right in front of the doors. A gust of wind came. I was wearing a dress. And yes, it blew my ENTIRE dress up. Like over my face. I was screaming and trying to put it down. 3 people that work in my office walked out ( all men) right when it happened. They started laughing and clapping. THANK GOD FOR SPANX. What if I didn't wear them that day and they saw my bare ass? That would've been horrible for them. They would've been scarred for life.
That was my day. But I got to see Tim McGraw that night. I wonder if he likes spanx.
It gets better.
So I am sitting at my desk stewing over this asshole. After freaking out on me, he walked to the Walmart right by my work. I watched out my work window for him to see if he came back this way. Maybe he worked in my building. I was planning on getting him in trouble with his boss or something.
He did come back and his car was parked right in front of the building outside my window. He sat in there for about 10 minutes and then got out. He proceeded to open his front door and close it then open his back door and close it over and over. My co-workers and I were like "what in the hell is he doing?" He was definitely on something. Then he pulls out a bag and puts it on his trunk. The bag falls and some salads fall out. We watched him scoop the salad back in the container and put the lid back on and put it all back in the bag. Then he pulls out another bag from his car and we realize as he is walking towards the building that it is our office lunch order for our meeting!!!!!
I think about it for a minute...I got back from my break at 11:45 am when he freaked out on me. Then he got back from Walmart and didn't bring the food inside until around 12:20. So our food had been sitting in over 90 degree weather for like 40 minutes. Not to mention he spilled it on the ground and scooped up the food that fell and put it back.
I got my manager and he got the girl who placed the order. We called the owner of the restaurant. I told him everything that happened from the crazy rant he made to me and then leaving the food in his hot car forever and then dropping it on the ground. We got a whole new order and he got fired :)
It gets better.
I was outside that day at work right in front of the doors. A gust of wind came. I was wearing a dress. And yes, it blew my ENTIRE dress up. Like over my face. I was screaming and trying to put it down. 3 people that work in my office walked out ( all men) right when it happened. They started laughing and clapping. THANK GOD FOR SPANX. What if I didn't wear them that day and they saw my bare ass? That would've been horrible for them. They would've been scarred for life.
That was my day. But I got to see Tim McGraw that night. I wonder if he likes spanx.
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